Another Day

I think there may be a few people who check in to my blog to make sure I am still alive, and I am so appreciative of them. Yes, it has been "quite a journey" and this is probably a good way to check. Here I am today, September 4, 2025, another day! I am thankful to be in a beautiful setting, which is sustaining and encouraging...but doesn't always completely smooth the path.

Because of one of the ideas I was considering yesterday, I was reminded of a remarkable woman I met about 30 years ago. She was a much older version of me, an Aquarian mystic, and she had been wandering for at least 30 years. We couldn't help but compare notes. She was the person who explained to me that people with old paradigm thinking and an ability to function well in our old paradigm financial system are the ones who thrive, as do those with new paradigm thinking and an ability to function well in our old paradigm financial system. It's those of us who are "new-new" who find no traction, no easy way to move forward. I think that she eventually made her way "home", but how far into old age she lived, I don't know. I hope she had some comfort and community toward the end.

At the time, I remember thinking, if the next thirty years of my life are as unsettled as hers has been, I won't be able to bear it. There must be something I can do differently -- and yet, my life was a variation on the same theme. It has been "unbearable", and yet bear it I have -- and most women around the world bear much worse. I think I mused once before over whether the experience of contemporary male mystics is different or easier. I suspect so, but I don't know any personally. My hunch is that they may be taken more seriously, and listened to more readily. I value my alone time more than anything, but the woman in me longs for community, sharing, and mutual learning and respect. And my ideal community (like my ideal choir) would mix the gifts and sounds of both men and women.

A few wispy white clouds on the horizon today...rain must be due. Or storms of some other nature.

On an ascension path, I guess there are stretches of time when your new energy just simply doesn't communicate with the old energy surrounding you, and there's an awkward readjustment. Goddess give me the strength to keep going, and to take the path ahead -- when I know what it is! Thank you for bringing me to another day.

Five Monarchs

I don't know that I have ever done two posts in one day, but I had to add a short post script. Yes, it's been a particularly unclear week. I feel so clear in my own self, but, as ever, not in terms of how to navigate the world. I said I needed to look for beauty, or something beckoning and shimmering to hold onto, and on a walk just now, I saw not one, not two, but five monarch butterflies. That's more than I've seen all summer combined! It's a little pathetic to hold onto this for dear life, but I will. If they can stay alive in this crazy world and flit from goldenrod flower to goldenrod flower, then I hope I can too.  

When the Bottom Drops out

I guess I should have expected it, seeing as how I have experienced so many revelations recently, and so much in our outer world is shaking and quaking. 

But I feel like I am having one of those weeks where just about everything is dropping out from under me. My living situation is shaky, and when I try to connect outward with people or make plans, it doesn't happen properly. I'm not hearing back from texts and calls, and I'm not even getting the pleasure and learning from various online teachers that I was for a few months. Fall is coming, and with it the panic about where I will be when it gets cold and icy. It's so simple really. I want what I've wanted for years, to find people like me and be in community with them. But my take on things isn't easy for some people to absorb, and while inwardly I know that I am a treasure (!), not everyone has seen me, my presence, or my process that way. At my age, and at such an insane moment in our culture, it would be so easy to throw up one's hands and say, I just can't do this anymore.

What will keep me going? Breathing. Remembering that the time we are entering is much more "my time" than the time we are leaving. Finding one thing that is good and beautiful. One thing that is working. One beautiful thing in nature. One thing that shimmers beautifully on the horizon. I signed up for an event that I think will play that role, so I hold on tight while the gauze is tearing and the bottom is dropping out. If any of you are going through this kind of thing, please know that I'm with you.

What's Next?

There are "suddenly" a lot of people saying some of the things I've been saying for years -- well, not so suddenly I'm sure. It's just that it took me a long time to find them. Anyway, we are all trying to make sense of the new era we are entering. Today seems like a good day to try to articulate a few of the qualities of this upcoming time, based as best I can on my own thinking. It will be harder and harder to remember when or how I was influenced by other thinkers, and, basically, it will not matter anymore anyway. All of us are being inspired by Spirit, by the Love at the core of it all, so all our egos are increasingly taking second chair. 

In one sentence, the Age of Aquarius will be a time characterized by Love. Love will be the only potent force in the universe. This process has started, as easy as it may be not to believe it. People, processes and institutions that have been based in conflict, hatred, and pain are scrambling...perhaps they know their time has come and gone. Yet all of us have to look honestly at all the underpinnings of our lives, and sense whether our foundations are built on all-Love, or on "Us vs. Them, Good vs. Evil, Right vs. Wrong, etc." Frankly, most of the personal or societal building blocks constructed in the old paradigm are likely to collapse, without any help from us. No fight is necessary here. It is Love filling every space currently empty of it. 

In a way, that's why I've lived the way I have. I knew I might eventually need to live without "modern medicine", so I tried to get my body used to it. I knew it might eventually be hard to be laden down with a lot of possessions, property or financial complications, so I stayed as uncomplicated as I could. I knew that what is currently considered "success" would be considered completely immaterial toward the end of my life, so I tried hard not to measure myself by that yardstick (although that may have been the hardest thing of all). I don't think we can prepare, per se, for the process we are about to go through, except to stay in the present and be grateful for whatever blessings we currently experience. It's probably a good idea, too, to stay aware that things may change utterly. If you have a home, or health care, or income, now, you may or may not have them down the line. You may or may not live in a landscape that looks familiar down the line, or even continue to be alive on this earth plane. Just remember that life itself never ends, and that all of us are eternal beings. There is no death on the divine plane, and some people who are alive now will "die", only to play important spiritual roles behind the scenes moving forward. For a period of time, we may be uncomfortably half-in and half-out of the new age, and every day will be a complex navigation of that reality.

Ultimately, this is a time to welcome -- for those of us capable of love, harmony, beauty, and respect for the earth, it is literally "the dawn of a new day". For those of us who honor the Great Mother, She is back. But others literally cannot stand the idea of such a world. There will be earthquakes of both the natural and human kind. If possible, embrace it all, even the chaos. It is happening, and it is real. It is a time of shocking beginnings and endings, a tearing of the fabric that held us in place, But that's the whole point. Our culture was like a big gauze bandage, trying to protect humanity's greatest wound -- duality. As the gauze tears away and the open sore is exposed to the air, it will be exceedingly painful for a while, but slowly but surely the wound will finally start to heal. We will not need the specific bandages that have been in place for so long.

Again, Again

Back in May of 2017, I wrote a post called "Again" in response to an act of mass violence, and numerous times since then I have made at least brief comments about these events. On most of the occasions, it has seemed that so much was being said by so many, that there was little healing to be had in adding to the cacophony. Yet today some thoughts were on my mind upon awakening, so I'll do my best to share them, not in the spirit of fixing the problem or blaming or solving...just, what would shift the conflict energy that we are stuck in?

We all know this deep down -- there can be little success trying to fix what is outside ourselves. The only true solutions are within each of us individually. Are we at peace with ourselves, with friends and family? Are we at peace with the kind of work we do, how we live, how we spend time? Are we at peace with absolutely every nook and cranny of our lives, and with our larger history? There are personal places I get stuck, some of which I have spoken about in this blog, and then in the larger history of our country and the world, which I don't speak about as often. What inwardly causes me the most pain is to face the violence of the early "settlement" of North America, the revolution that bought our "freedom", and the violence of the move westward. The violence toward the people, plants, and non-human beings new settlers encountered, the violence inherent in the creation of roads, dams, cities, train tracks and mines. The violence toward the earth Herself. The violence in our political, economic, social, and medical systems and our language. The violence (real and diplomatically muffled) in our relationships with the rest of the world. The violence in our sports and "play", the violence in how we produce food and other manufactured items, and the violence in our relationships with the deep oceans and vast outer space. 

This is a yes-based universe, I am sure of it (I think this is an Abraham-Hicks-ism). So it's hard for me to see how anger and blame expressed outward -- even understandable movements for specific changes -- will cause the desired effect, especially in this Age of Aquarius. If the energy of a response is itself too violent or confrontational, it is likely to beget more violence and confrontation. What may shift the energy, though, will be for individuals to look inward, and really look honestly at the ways in which conflict and violence are part of our communal history as well as our own personal stories. Look unflinchingly. Accept the reality. Do whatever work we need to do to heal our personal trauma and pain, so that our role as a ripple effect will end. Then move ahead with a complete and utter commitment to harmony in every area of life. Not everyone can do this. Some may have to keep fighting -- this may be the divine agreement they made before this incarnation. But some of us have already released "the fight", and more and more will do the same every day as this Age continues. As higher levels of Love enter our universe, the violence around us may seem to be becoming more frenzied, but before long, it will wilt and die from lack of oxygen. There will be too much Love.

Yesterday, I sent photos of beauty to my friends in Minnesota who I knew might be particularly distressed right now. I had been to Schenectady's rose garden, and so mostly I sent pictures of roses. Making the choice to spread beauty in this moment was just about all I could do. Again, again.

Three Revelations

I had gathered from various astrology sources that this past weekend's new moon was going to be powerful, and it certainly was for me. How about you?

In a conversation on Thursday, I came to a realization about the so-called prosperity gospel (about which I really know virtually nothing except that it is a "thing" in some churches) and its new age cousin, where you try to gain prosperity or success through visualization and other techniques. The latter is something I tried on and off over the years. Both of these cases represent ego-driven effort. It is all about personal success, achievement or material gain. In a flash, I realized not only why the new age version hadn't worked for me, but why such beliefs may actually be inconsistent with Goddess thinking. Does the Goddess want every human being to reach their fullest creative, spiritual, joy, love, and beauty potentials? Yes. But our individual efforts to gain personal worldly success, wealth, land, belongings, and status have brought humanity to the edge of ecological disaster. Wanting so much for ourselves (and in some cases, our families) -- outside of any community context, or concern for the health and future viability of the planet itself -- goes over the edge into pure selfishness. All of us in the West have been brought up immersed in this basic ethos, and I guess even for someone like me, it took far too long to disengage and see what it is doing to the Earth. A more Goddess-centered way of thinking would consider any action's toll on the planet, and how all of us, as the broader community of humans, can blossom. It would never be just about "success for me". (Revelation number one.}

Then, on Saturday, I was in a setting with multiple tall pine trees whose trunks were bare of branches. Two trees had been, I guess you could say, decorated in a manner I have never seen before. At about the five foot mark, both tree trunks had plastic-covered chain "necklaces" with a central metal plaque, saying that they (the plaques or the trees?) had been given in memory of so-and-so. This struck me as grotesque. What had these trees done to warrant being enchained? Visually, the trees look constricted, suffocated; all of this was done for the ego gratification of a person or a family. "My tree. A tree in my honor." On an energetic level, binding it didn't seem too far away from taking a chainsaw to it -- in either case, the tree was allowed no agency. The tree was never asked for permission, just as Nature generally isn't. (The thought wasn't a revelation to me, but the image of a tree in chains was. Number two.)

Then lastly, the big one. Saturday evening I watched something on public TV about tombs and fragments being discovered under the transept crossing floor at Notre Dame de Paris, as the building is rebuilt. The cathedral's original choir screen was knocked down several hundred years ago, and, evidently, simply floored over. For the most part, English cathedrals still have their choir screens, whose original purpose was, of course, to literally screen or separate the choir and clergy taking part in the service from the parishioners down in the nave. It created a higher, holier space where the official acts of worship took place...and it was a space for the tiniest elite. Few men and boys -- and no women or girls -- could go through that beautifully-decorated portal.

Now, I've known about this history, of course. How could I not? However, over the years, my focus was on the music, wanting to sing it, to learn the repertoire, to be an active participant in the choral part of worship (yes, even though my concept of the divine was decidedly broader than the church's!) But watching this documentary, I had an epiphany. This wasn't just about singing. This was about being "allowed" near the heart of the divine. This was about being in the holy presence, not on the outskirts. When I've said that my home is in the choir stalls of British cathedrals, this was arguably about a lot more than wanting to march in, robed, to sing a service. It was about being empowered in the divine, and embraced by the divine, in a much broader sense. Think of all the girls and women throughout northern European history who stood or sat in the naves of cathedrals and churches, knowing they would never play an active part in any ritual, in any capacity. While this has changed in some denominations in recent years, it was a weighty third revelation nonetheless.

Maybe, just maybe, I tried to go through that portal not just for me, but also for all those women in the centuries before me. Maybe, just maybe, this hasn't only been about my own ego. 

Be the Love Anchor (or Anchoress!)

Early yesterday morning, I was mulling over something, and it relates somewhat to my post on magnetizing. This essay has morphed a bit over twenty-four hours, and updates some earlier material, I'm sure. Thanks for your patience.

Here it is. All of us have been taught that to "get" anything, we need to look outside ourselves and "apply" or compete. We apply for summer jobs, college programs, grants, career jobs, and even volunteer work. People apply for car loans, mortgages, credit cards, and insurance. People (in effect) apply to find roommates, apartments, dates, spouses. We create a persona to sell ourselves on social media and to win in games. Companies "apply" for our patronage with advertising and strange gimmickry. All of us, whether we know it or not, or want to or not, have been energetic fisherfolk, constantly throwing baited hooks out into rapidly-flowing rivers to see what bites. And I think subconsciously, most of us have tried to form ourselves into the person appropriate to the situation -- the appealing employee, the appealing mate, the appealing renter, the appealing corporate entity, whatever. In such a setting, a process like the one I have gone through, diving down and in to a core of true personal identity, can seem both irrelevant and impossible. It has even felt that way to me.

So (as I think I alluded to the other day) it's no surprise that even now, I keep trying to look outside of myself for the tribe of people just like me. As I look to my periphery, I see a wide range of "tribes", most of which have at least a bit of overlap to me: environmentalists, feminists, peace activists, healers, astrologers, channelers, shamans, historians, archaeologists, musicians, artists, and gardeners/farmers. There is a facet of myself in each of these "places", but none of them are -- per se -- my encompassing home or tribe. When I reach out and think, finally, "home!", it isn't...quite.

Why? The missing piece in most of these groups is an essential Goddess-focus, a core set of assumptions about what life would look like if the divine feminine were honored. And having come to believe that I may have spent many lifetimes holding the energy of the Goddess in the British Isles (and in positions that kept me near the center of the spiritual and academic worlds there), I still cannot move forward without that piece in place. I may recently have recycled much of the material I held onto to document this lifetime's journey, but it doesn't mean that I've thrown away my passions or identity -- only the assumption that I will need certain physical material in the future. The Goddess-England-English Church Music "intersection" is my unique raft on the river, the lens that I look through and am. It's not working to cast out a hook or a shout-out to say, "Hello, here I am, pick me for your group!" Just as I doubt it would work to cast out the hook to "catch" people for a group of my own.

Yes, it's so frustrating. Have you experienced it? Is your "intersection" equally unusual? For those of us in this position, the only course may be to pull our little boat into the stillest bay of the roiling river, and put our anchor down at least for now. From there (speaking for myself) I must just do the things I do best and love -- write, sketch, listen to choral evensong services or talks by the wisest people I can find, read (often about England), cook, bake, and do things occasionally with friends. Take pictures of nature with my little flip phone. Commune with animal beings (a hummingbird hovered about two feet from my face yesterday!). "Be" love, the best that I can be. And see who or what shows up when I anchor down!

Be the Love Anchor.