Thinking on Thursday

When you are nearing 1,160 posts, coming up with clever titles gets harder and harder. I don't know if there is ever a Thursday when I'm not thinking, but thank you, regular readers, for your forbearance!  Sometimes as I start to write, a better title comes to mind, and if that happens, I'll replace "Thinking on Thursday"!

A few days ago, I noted that the Universe seemed to be putting me through a reminder process, a review of my strongest gifts (and their value) so I won't possibly go into these all-important next few years carrying an outdatedly low opinion of myself. So far this process hasn't been surprising: no, "Hey, Liz, did you know you have the capacity for reading auric fields?" or "Hey, Liz, it's time to become a reiki practitioner!" More a synopsis or appreciation of who I've always been -- the difference being that now, these gifts and qualities feel far more solid, the core of me, not the fluff I'm desperately trying to sweep under the rug. Gone, too, is a longtime sense of irony and bittersweet regret over the fact that growing these spiritual gifts effectively impoverished me. I feel lighthearted, almost giddy, about the fact that this old paradigm with its heavy baggage is evaporating, and qualities like women's wisdom, love, beauty and unity are solidifying.

However, I am steeling myself for some kind of big "reveal" in the coming weeks. Whether it will be the impulse to take one of my current gifts much, much further, or a leading to pursue some brand new spiritual power, I don't know this morning. I know that it has not been possible in my current context to be the leader I really am, so I suspect it will be something to do with that, but on this hot summer's day, that's as far as I have come.

One more thing. I am trying to become far more deliberate about thanking my body for its power and persistence. When I think of the gifts it has given me for a full 70 years -- the list is almost endless -- it is truly humbling. Many people do not live to this age, or are limited by pain, inability to walk, see, hear, breathe, think clearly, or be independent. Somehow, underneath a rather modest exterior lies my astonishing physical body, which this morning was able to navigate a long flight of stairs down to the water, take a 15-minute swim, then climb upwards again. For the moment, my daily devotion isn't to the Goddess Herself, it's to my bodily manifestation of Her. If I do nothing else in this lifetime, I hope I will be appreciative every day of this gift above all other gifts. We cannot experience life on Earth without our bodies -- yet, anyway!

That's my thinking on this Thursday...

Reminders

This continues to be a super powerful time, which I probably don't have to tell any of you.

For the last week (and I suspect the process will continue a little longer), Spirit seems to have been giving me gentle reminders of how important my gifts are -- spiritual, artistic, musical, and in creative expression of all kinds, even here. To whatever extent I have allowed myself to believe the world's opinion of my worthlessness, I guess the message now is, no, these gifts are your superpowers, and if there is even the slightest remaining iota of discomfort, disavowal, or disapproval within, it is time to address it now. Now. The world needs these gifts more than ever, in the transition to the new paradigm. 

For the most part, this has taken the form of some channelling in my personal journal, but also some of this work is happening outside, listening to the birds (and even talking with them!) Because, hey, yes, communing with nature is one of the gifts! 

We have been rather oversaturated with rain, but nowhere near as much as further south of here, and once again, I'm reminded that, no matter how extensive the past and present human catalysts to these climate events, we humans cannot ultimately control the details of where, how, and how bad they will be. Nature will bring Herself into balance as She needs to. Over the coming weeks, embracing the reality of that may be just as important as embracing the personal gifts that need to stay visible and viable at this time. 

It is time to listen to spiritual reminders -- on all levels, in all arenas. It is time to keep our ears, our minds, and our hearts open!

Tree Magic

 

Two days ago, we had quite a thunderstorm, after which I went outside and watched and listened as nature got back up and running again. The trees were still "raining", and the birds were slowly starting to make a racket. The quality of the light was very ambiguous, and at a moment when the sun broke through the clouds, I snapped this photograph on my phone, which, I'm sure I've mentioned, is an at least five-year-old flip phone. I don't know how I got these effects of light in the trees, this brilliance. It was the same day that I wrote about brilliance, as it turns out!!! It is possible that there was a little water or greasiness on the lens. And I did utilize some very basic editing -- the image is cropped, and I used a color filter to make the leaves somewhat less bright green. 

Whatever the case, I'm thrilled by this picture, because it communicates what I realize more and more, which is that the trees around us are not only sentient, but actively wise, speaking amongst themselves and with us on all manner of topics. Indeed, this has probably always been the case not only with trees but all manner of flora and fauna, rocks, water, mosses, and the air itself. All of life. I'm not yet in a position to really communicate back (no long conversations!), but perhaps this picture is a start. Like, "I see your magic, and your beauty below the surface. I honor it, and honor the same within myself. May we start to communicate more and more."

Goddess Words 64: Brilliance

It seems fitting to end the month, under a full moon, with another Goddess word: Brilliance. 

Intense lightness, color, brightness. A high level of skill and intelligence. And, in the world of gems, the quality of reflectivity and sparkle.  My favorite definitions? Radiance, splendor, magnificence.

It is a hot day, due to get much hotter, so I may not have the energy to but scratch the sparkling surface of this word. I'm actually rather shocked that it took me this long to talk about "brilliance", but I guess this reflects how long it has taken to recognize the quality within myself. When I added this to my list back in the 2000's, I was looking outward, thinking more along the lines that the Goddess is brilliant -- bright, beautiful, reflective of all the light in all galaxies, the epitome of all beauty, creativity and clarity.

Were these qualities that I was expected to reflect in life? Basically, I'd say no. (This was probably true of most girls in the 1950's and 60's.) The only exception, arguably, was in the academic world. Because I was gifted intellectually, I was expected to get good grades, at least through college. But due to the expectations of the era and the strange patchwork of my other early influences, family, family friends, teachers -- all would have been horrified at the thought of a little girl from Schenectady heading out into the world and really being absolutely brilliant. Radiant, splendid, sparkling, visible and audible, "out there". Magnificent. And as we bright beings moved out into the world, there were very few traditional institutions that wanted to attract or foster genuine brilliance. Too many of us, no matter what our backgrounds, have had to hide our proverbial lights "under a bushel" just to limp along and survive.

I think it's a hallmark of this time that more and more people worldwide are aligning with their true inner brilliance and unique auras, which is bringing up Earth's own sparkling quality. The bright luminosity of all beings in creation is expanding too. To the right eyes, from space, what is visible isn't city lights, it is brilliance lights.

An Italics Moment

It is so interesting how serendipitously words, people, animals, and concepts show up in my life when I've just written a post, or had a certain conversation, or seen something in the news. The Universe sort of italicizes it by sending along a crossword puzzle clue, or a name in a book, or a passing bumper sticker.

Yesterday's italics moment was seeing a reference to embracing one's heritage. I realize that this is what I've tried to do, at least a little, in these last few posts which have been awkward and hard to write. It's particularly awkward when my heritage (and its, um, dominance in so many places) is arguably the reason why so many people worldwide have had to struggle, themselves, to accept and embrace where they come from. The process of unraveling my end of this ball of yarn will continue, although there is a caveat...

Which is, of course, that as we enter this new paradigm, all the old constructs are in the process of falling away. What was our "heritage" is a concept from history that will be far less meaningful going forward. What will matter is whether you are a being of love, not what country or background you are from. What will matter is whether your intention is to love and be as kind as possible to every single person you meet. What will matter is, when you stumble in that effort, that you look honestly at why it is hard to love in that situation, and see if you can heal your heart. 

Earth is in the process of a serious reconfiguration of Her physical body; at the same time, we humans are reconfiguring how we have defined ourselves. I guess today's bright full moon may be asking us to look squarely at what brought us this far (what has made us who we are) and to bow in gratitude to those factors. Once we do that, we can turn around and walk forward unencumbered by any of the negative baggage that history has heretofore asked us to carry. We will be known and appreciated solely for the quality of our love. Even the most conscious of us may not be ready for what an enormous change this will be!

Paradoxically...

Well, this continues to be a rich time, a liminal time. Traveling around the area the last few days has forced me to feel ever more nuanced impressions of the rough edges between me and my environment. Returning to "home territory" at about 70 was no accident...I see things from my child eyes, my adult eyes, and, arguably, the eyes of my higher self. Every day I am clearer and clearer about what layers of perspective were in place from the beginning, which ones were added like coats of paint over decades, and which ones may be emerging from a much higher perspective as I strip off the old paint. 

A question has amused me -- what if, when my great aunt gave me The Social Register, I had set about on a concerted effort to marry into that class? (Although she didn't quite say so, I suspect that was what she had hoped I would do.) It might have been possible, because I certainly have the ability to operate in that world, including doing polite chit-chat at cocktail parties. I might have lived a very, very privileged life, with a beautiful permanent home (UK or US), a workable marriage (if my husband had had some genuine interests -- other than money -- that overlapped with mine!), and perhaps successful children and beautiful grandchildren. I might even have had a more traditional career of my own, and/or volunteer work bringing me accolades. I might have stopped caring about whether or not I sang the music I love. I might never have focused on women's spirituality, or seen our current global moment through any eyes other than, "How can we keep this apple cart righted for the sake of my own family?" I might have been in a position to donate huge sums of money to my alma maters, and to other arts or social causes. I might have been genuinely respected, at least by a certain group of people. "What if?"

The hard part about my recent posts has been publicly acknowledging this "shadow" version of me, the self that I've been sweeping further and further under the rug every time I've lived in a contrasting situation, or traveled on public transportation, or shopped in a big box store. (Leave it to me to have a shadow self who is rich, privileged, and successful!!!) When that little voice within said, "This isn't my true place" or "These aren't my true people", I thought I was hearing the voice of a snobby little mini Dowager Countess of Grantham. The duality within me took on decidedly old paradigm form, a form I am actually as uncomfortable with as the me in thrift store clothes.

So now, it is dawning on me that the rough edges I've felt every day of my life stem from a much, much bigger perspective. Let's face it, I would eventually have felt like a fish out of water in a world of elites! It was never about where I fit on our world's current scale from deep poverty to "the top 1%". Or exactly which square foot of soil I happen to be standing on. It was never about which outward milieu would have felt most like home. Instead, it is about being true to my inner spiritual leadership. It is about who I have been for dozens of lifetimes, a specific facet of the Goddess. And until recently reaching the point of fully embracing that core heart identity, I have been rather stuck.

I know what I need to try to do over the next few weeks. I need to look at every moment, wherever I am, as a potential portal to serving the Goddess. This applies not only to my personal life, but also to the horrifying things in the news. (Some of these things are surely happening so that humanity will dig down into the rich soil of truth under the surface, and embrace new ways of being.) Expansiveness comes not from moving from one side of the "versus" screen to the other, but from embracing more and feeling life energy blooming out into all dimensions and unexpected directions. 

Paradoxically...looking more squarely and honestly at when and how "I don't feel at home" has helped me feel more at home within, and to sense that comfort expanding outward. I am thankful. I just saw my first dragonflies of the season: transformation, breaking down illusions, adaptation, inner magic. Blessings, all.

Thursday Thoughts

Back when I was a teenager attending private school in Albany, I used to take a school bus along part of what starts out as State Street in Schenectady and becomes Central Avenue in Albany. Even 55 years ago, this was for the most part a woebegone stretch of retail establishments, and my young, hypersensitive self found it a profoundly ugly urban/suburban stretch of road. Who knows, perhaps that is part of why I became fixated on getting to the English countryside. 

Yesterday, I took a city bus along the same route, and honestly, the impression that it leaves hasn't changed a bit in over half a century. Actually, it is shocking that some buildings are still there, if somewhat changed for the worse, including 1930's-era Roosevelt School that I attended from first through third grade. Putting aside how worn out/worn down a lot of the structures are, and how not visually beautiful, my obsession yesterday was imagining all the plastic being sold along the route (eventually to be discarded)...in big box stores, small convenience stores and gas stations, pharmacies, fast food restaurants, etc. OMG.

After last week's experience of recognizing some snobbishness on my part -- something that is still causing ripple effects -- I realize that I have changed a bit in six or seven days. Now, I feel a new measure of acceptance. I don't think I actively felt superior to my fellow bus riders or the landscape I was riding through. It was more a case of, I am where I am. All of it "is what it is". There were some hard moments (fights, etc.) but I did not find myself wishing I were elsewhere. I was a little bit better at centering myself and saying, "I am here. There is a reason I am here. Perhaps on some level I am a force for good."

Meanwhile, the kind of cool English summer I remember from writing up my master's thesis in July/August of 1981 is a thing of the past, and earth Herself is rumbling and feverish. Those of us in climes that are currently more temperate and bearable walk the tightrope between gratitude that we are "somewhere else" -- and the sure knowledge that at any moment, we could rumble or burn too. There's a certain calm that comes from simply letting Mother Earth do what she needs to do to regain balance.