Housing Solutions

We're hearing a lot about finding solutions for "the housing problem". One of the ones I hear the most is, to build more housing, affordable and otherwise.

Oh, brother. The hardest part about becoming so Goddess-centered (and also so Gaia-centered) is reaching the point where I simply can see no solutions to society's problems within the mindset that created our current paradigm. The issue of housing seems to illustrate this so poignantly. 

From a Gaia standpoint, this is what building tons of new housing does: it further degrades earth's landscape, and uses increasing amounts of toxins, plastics, and diminishing resources (water, wood, metals). It further spreads out neighborhoods, requiring more cars, more use of petroleum, more reliance on energy. It underscores the notion that individuals and small families need separate houses, separate spaces -- and the larger and fancier, the better. That all of us need to then furnish our spaces with more and more consumer items, more high-tech gadgetry, more "things" of all kinds. Solving the housing problem this way causes infinitely more problems for Mother Earth.

And speaking for myself, I do not wish to find a solution to my housing problem. My challenge has always been finding a home, a place where I (with my very specific passions of English church music and women's spirituality) would be completely welcome, no matter how much money I do or do not have. Finding a place where people speak one or both of my languages, so I feel like I am in my element. (How privileged I am to even be able to consider such factors!) And I don't think we can even envision exactly what housing will look like, say, 25 years from now. Because of environmental, spiritual, and societal changes, we will be living so utterly differently that -- at the very least -- pouring money into contemporary living solutions that may be going extinct within a decade is counterproductive. Goddess communities will be built on love and deep belonging. They will be predicated on taking into account the needs of the earth before one shovelful of dirt is moved. Honoring the earth and one another, wanting people to find places where they will be loved and accepted, finding ways to live healthily and lightly on the earth, gradually phasing out all concepts of money and profit -- that is ultimately the only way to find longterm human (and humane) housing solutions.

Bringing Stories out into the Light

Several times in recent months, I have heard or seen the quote from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas to the effect that if you bring out the treasure that is within you, it will save you, but if you do not, you will be destroyed. Actually, when I first read this years ago, it sent rather a frisson through me, although at that time, I wasn't sure why. Even then, I didn't like the dualism of the thinking or its expression, of course! Like there are two lanes of this life highway, and either we are going to experience salvation or damnation. And there is a certain fear-mongering in, in effect, threatening people to "get with it" and find their true treasure before it is too late. Ugh.

So I guess the first thing to do is really, really analyze the statement and express it from a more Goddess perspective. I agree that we all have, deep within us, a key gift or insight, or perhaps an action that we were meant to do in this lifetime. Some spiritual gem of truth that -- if we can find it -- only we have the ideal capacity to articulate or act on. If I had a young person in my life, I might definitely suggest that their main purpose, early on, be to find this treasure, and uncover it. And then if they came to me a few years later and said, gosh, I've discovered what my true gift is, but I'm kind of freaked out about acting on it, I'd want to sit down with them for a few deep conversations about what is blocking them. 

More often than not, I suspect it would be fear -- the fear of feeling strange, the fear of being attacked for an unconventional view or condition, the fear of criticism or failure. And yet the answer to that fear isn't to mirror back the fear, and force people to give birth to their treasure "or else"! In a more Goddess-centered construct, the person would be gently walked through a process of facing their fears, envisioning possible scenarios if they bring out the best that is within them, and finding a way to commit 100 percent to their inner worth. An advisor would try to help them get to a place where they were ready to shine.

However imperfectly presented, this teaching did affect me deeply. I've known for years that there was something deep within me that had to be brought out into the light. I knew that I was fearful of my own power, and perhaps by continuing to sweep it under the rug, I was burying myself down there too, in effect "destroying" myself, continuing a cycle of homelessness and invisibility. In this blog, I've tried, post after post, to dig further and further down and in.

Several posts ago, I referred to the fact that I have three hand-written stories that I've been sitting on, kind of stuck. And then the other day, I wrote about my three rabbits, which might represent my three greatest fears. I did some journaling about those rabbits, describing and analyzing three general fears I have and even making a color drawing of them! And yet it wasn't until this very moment that I realized -- my three greatest fears are the three stories, and the prospect of bringing them out into light! One of them, particularly, scares the heck out of me with its potential power. 

That's about as far as I can go with this today. But it just goes to show that the realizations are coming faster and faster...

Two Rabbits. Make that three...

This morning, when I went outside to start my walk, there were two rabbits in the driveway. They were standing stock-still, facing each other. I have rarely, if ever, seen two rabbits at a time, and I tried to speak with them softly and comfortingly, sort of, "Hi sweethearts, don't be scared. I am a friend." And as long as I continued to be still, they didn't move. But the minute I started to walk out toward the road, they bolted. A little while later in a different spot, I saw another one!

I still keep several "bibles" by my bed, one of which is the classic 1988 Medicine Cards book, by Jamie Sams and David Carson. The powers and medicines of 44 birds and animals are beautifully and succinctly described...when I purchased the book and cards in 1990, I used them in a loosely divinatory manner, but these days I basically just consult the book when I have an encounter with an animal or bird. Here, Rabbit's medicine is "fear", or a tendency to call one's fears to oneself. Seeing those rabbits run this morning was a reminder -- you could see them shaking, terrified, even though I had tried to reassure them. There are a number of other spiritual meanings for bunnies, from intuition to renewal. But being given the opportunity to address fear -- to see where it is working in my life -- always seems to be rabbit's message for me.

Where is fear showing up in my life today? I mean, there are so many fearful, out-of-control things happening in the world that if I felt fully engaged with them (and the need for human solutions to them all), I would be almost catatonic. I may be saved from that by the fact that I've seen so much of this coming for so long, I would have felt even more fearful if they hadn't happened! Still, I know my own personal life is on the verge of changing again, and no matter how often it happens, I never really face it calmly. By now I should, but I don't (!) This time, though, there is an energetic difference. I know that we are shifting into the all-love Age of Aquarius, that the divine feminine is re-emerging, and that increasingly, after a lifetime of being out of my element, I'm going to be in my element. I know and believe that without a shadow of a doubt. 

Nevertheless, it is important to face the fears. It's sometimes so tempting to slide through them, or talk myself out of them. But three rabbits appeared, so in my personal journaling I'll address the three biggest fears that come up. Write about them, talk with them, embrace them, maybe even draw them. Try not to run away...

Goddess Words 62: Money

Talk about Goddess list words that I have been avoiding! When I glanced at my chart this morning, one word popped out: Money. For four years, I have been putting it off and putting it off in the context of this list (although I have certainly spoken of it frequently in other posts) so today seems to be the day. Just for the record, I have not gone back to look at past essays, so I suspect I may repeat some of the things I have said before. My apologies to regular readers.

And I guess I should also tell you that I came "this close" to removing "Money" from my Goddess list entirely, as I recently did with "Worshipped". This is because nowadays, I don't think that money will exist in any form in a future Goddess- or Love-centered paradigm. Even twenty years ago, I'm pretty sure I was already at that "place", so I am not quite sure what I was thinking -- perhaps I still saw money as a way of expressing the potential for bounty. Perhaps I was hoping I would still find some way to earn or attract a good income...I'm not sure. Today, I think we have a few years left with money systems in place. It might be premature to completely discount it as a building block to the new paradigm. Might.

Almost thirty years ago, I attended kind of a free-for-all workshop where attendees could offer talking circles on any topic they wanted. It still stuns me that I had the courage to do this, but I did: I called my circle something like "The Future of Money"-- and a bunch of people showed up. Basically, I spoke for about ten minutes about how I thought money's future was limited, and my reasons why -- and what ensued was a completely fascinating discussion! I mean, right down my alley, non-"partisan" and visionary, people trying to imagine a world entirely without money. 

Because, apart from any other issues I've had with our specific financial system, here is my core problem: not understanding why something that (in my view) really doesn't exist is so central to our world view, our politics, and virtually every aspect of human life. Every definition is essentially the same, that money is a medium of exchange. It's a ghostly ether between two tangible things or beings.

There's me. There's a dozen eggs. If I want those eggs, I need to pay money. I need to exchange some dollars for eggs. Yet I've never really "gotten" this. Why even have this strange, insubstantial middle ground? I mean, all right. It's part of the old ownership paradigm. The farmer's eggs belong to him or her, and in our current construct, giving the eggs away will lessen that person's personal worth. So if I (the buyer) do not have some other object or service to offer the farmer that is the rough equivalent of a dozen eggs, something that the farmer needs, say, a skein of wool or a small toy, then I need to use the common currency.

Let's back up to the moment before the very first use of money in the modern sense -- no matter how many thousands of years ago that might have been -- and imagine a completely clean slate. There is no sense of human ownership of land, animals, plants, or other people. Let us say it is commonly accepted that such ownership is impossible, as is human ownership of Gaia or The Goddess. Everyone and everything is of equal value as part of Her, a reflection of Her. If everything is done from a place of Love, and that Love is all-existent and all-replenishing, then nothing I give away will leave me diminished. There needs to be no medium of exchange, monetary or otherwise. If everything on this planet is an expression of Love, my actions are done lovingly and freely. Love draws to all of us a modest roof over our heads, and meal on the table. Love draws to humanity the best that the earth has to offer, for free. But individuals in the new paradigm don't seek to take too much for themselves. People in the new paradigm are far more community oriented than now.

In a sense, this lifetime has been a practice run for me and the new paradigm, whether or not I ever "live to see the day". I am living proof (and I am sure there are others like me!): you can survive with little money, occasionally even thrive, although you may be seen as using people or being a bloody idiot. And I couldn't have let this experiment go on for so long if I had been responsible for children. I am thankful that I remained relatively free, and that I gained at least the feeling place of what will be the norm not too long from now: Love as "currency". The construct of "earning a living" has gone by the wayside. Ownership has gone by the wayside. "Money" -- in whatever form or system -- will be in museums, if we even have those in the future! For the moment, I'll leave it on the list, but not for long!

Middle of the Night

Recently, the middle of the night seems to be the time when I am able to access a place of bliss, love, connectedness with joy, and belonging to the great, deep scheme of things, (In the past, it could be the opposite, feeling completely adrift in the dark!) If I wake up and I find myself happy, then I stretch it out absolutely as long as possible, as tempting as it might be to fall back asleep!  Back on April 18 ("Too Big for the Small Boxes"), I spoke of having been in a blissful state for an hour. Two nights ago, not to become competitive with myself!, I stayed at a pretty high energy for over two hours, literally, again, smiling from ear-to-ear. I don't try to do or create anything, although sometimes I do a crossword puzzle simply to keep my left brain occupied.

Actually, it has seemed important not to create or plan in this state. In previous years, a positive state of mind seemed like a good time to try all that marvelous "creative visualization" I was reading about. I would envision a beautiful house (who wouldn't when you've never had a permanent home?), a nice car, a job that would both engage and pay me well. I visualized getting to the UK permanently, attracting acclaim as a Howells expert, even marrying and having children or stepchildren. I was singularly unsuccessful at these visualizations. It is a good thing that I didn't spend much money on gurus or courses, because I would have had to go back over and over again! I now get it that the problem wasn't that I wasn't visualizing or focusing properly, or even that I wasn't coming at the visualization from a high enough energy. My theory now is that these goals were too old paradigm for me, energetically representing a system that is currently passing away. They were the manifestations of a now-crumbling foundation. My energy at its highest was not resonating with the energies of these goals.

Even if I wanted to use these current middle of the night moments to create, it's complicated by not really knowing what a 5D, love-based world will look like, function like, or feel like in its solidity. Perhaps it is a good thing that I don't know, that we don't know. It forces us to lead from the heart, not follow our brains to as many external goals. If I say anything in the middle of the night, it is to my heart: "Simply guide me." May the love spilling over be my path forward, my exhilarating boat ride down the river. May we feel which lights on shore are beckoning us, where the love shines brightest. 

Thank You, Mom

Another post that's coming as a surprise to me.  

Yesterday, I somehow managed to get beyond all my awkward feelings around Mother's Day, not being a mother, whether I have ever really felt mothered, and so forth, and found my attention being drawn to my mother simply as a person. I never got to know her well. I hear friends in long telephone conversations with their daughters or mothers, and find it amazing. Mom and I certainly became closer when I accompanied her through the last eighteen months or so of her life, but we were so, so different. I wrote about her back on February 6, 2016 ("My Mom"), and if some of today's stories have also appeared in subsequent posts I apologize. I need whatever part of her is surfacing today.

She was a spunky young girl, based on photos of her in a childhood spent just north of New York City. She had a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. She and her 10-to-12-year-old friends had a club, "The Naughty Eight", and they'd smoke cigarettes behind someone's garage. She refused to learn any of her mother's creative or cooking skills, and remained adamantly outside that circle all her life, except for a few tentative forays into watercolor painting. She was extremely smart, but not "intellectual" -- during World War II, she studied for two years at a junior college before eventually following her brother to Schenectady, where she worked briefly at Union College, then met and married my father.

Mom was full of contradictions. Spunky, yes. Organized. Potentially she could have been a leader or a modern-day career woman, yet her actual self-esteem could be abysmally low. With us, and apparently even in other settings later in life, she often apologized before giving her opinion ("This may be a stupid idea, but...") She claimed not to be a feminist, and was clearly uncomfortable with that language and terminology -- yet the day I scared off some Mormon missionaries by saying I was a "post-Christian feminist", she told me that if she had more time ahead of her, she'd be a post-Christian feminist too! She had always stood up for women in leadership positions in the church, and even all-but-ran a small church between rectors, and she briefly considered the Episcopal priesthood. But not long before she died, her original Catholicism came back, along with core fears and memories. Never mind, her memorial service reflected the best of the Anglican tradition, just as she had directed many months earlier.

She had had to very deeply bury all.her emotions when she married my dad, I think, and I (their eldest child) terrified her with my introspection, my creativity, my need to analyze. From early on, I was doing the kind of inner work that she couldn't bear. I think she was scared for me too -- she knew I would never skirt the surface of things, and that life would be hard for me to navigate. My brothers were just easier -- funnier, more successful, better at "playing the game".

There's so much more, but not today. However, with all my talk of my old life flying off the back of my boat into the frothy wake, what little nugget of my mom do I want to carry forward with me, close to my heart?

She had a wonderful, almost theatrical, speaking voice. She wasn't into holding, hugging, or touching (I come by this naturally, it seems!), but I have memories of her sitting on the bed with three-year-old me, almost cuddling, and reading A.A. Milne ("Christopher Robin had wheezles and sneezles, they bundled him into his bed...") and Dr. Seuss. These rhymes poured out of her like honey. Like music. No hesitation, no fear, a river of confident, beautiful sound that is still in my ears to this day. More than anything, this is what stays in my deepest center. Thank you, Mom. 

There is a Moment

I wasn't planning to write again this weekend, but here goes.

There is a moment where you finally get it -- that all the pushback you have received over the years is proof that you've been on the right track, not the wrong one! That all along, you were aligned with future realities that were in the process of forming...and of course, they seemed absurd in reference to the reality in front of us. Much easier for "thee and me" (as my mother used to say, and, no, she wasn't a Quaker) to be labelled as strange and weird and nonfunctional and ditsy, if not worse. I shouldn't have survived long enough to reach 70, but now that I have, I rejoice looking out at the world because it is so clear. So clear! Without the balancing spiritual, intellectual, and physical energies of the feminine being respected, humanity can only go down the tubes. This isn't an indictment of the masculine, just of complete imbalance going on for far too long.

I guess that is what I didn't grasp back when I was 15 or so, when we girls were suddenly being encouraged to dream, to find out what we wanted to do, to pursue careers. Forget about the fact that my preferred life was still completely closed to girls and women. I was too young to understand the overall history and institutional rigidity. Somehow I optimistically thought the gate had opened and the voices and perspectives of women would change the world overnight. Over the years, day after day, year after year, I just couldn't understand why this wasn't happening.

I am trying really hard not to push back against the pushback. (If you are serious about "Do unto others", how can you cause any conflict?) But I am aware that, just as the world has been speaking a language I don't understand, I speak a language the world doesn't understand. These languages are so completely unrelated that it may be necessary to release old hopes or expectations of a middle ground. As this rapid ascension process moves forward, there will probably be not only a third way, but a third language, which comes from the heart. I personally cannot quite grasp how that will work, but there is a moment when you know it will work, because it must.