Trauma

Part of my strategy for getting through these unprecedented times has come as a surprise to me -- regularly watching old episodes of "West Wing". I watched several seasons of this back when it originally aired, but now it has such an almost tender quality, like, look at all these highly intelligent (although at times very fallible) characters literally trying their best, responding to events with a kind of integrity that I recognize. 

Last night's episode from the second season is the one where Josh must confront the psychological trauma he experienced when he was injured in an attack on the President's entourage. He is diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and will receive treatment for it. During the entire show, my mind couldn't get away from the trauma endured by both combatants and civilians in war. Even if the current conflict were to stop tomorrow, how many thousands of people in many countries have already experienced serious trauma, without the means or opportunity to access healing therapies? How many of us sensitive ones, all over the world but perhaps for the moment not literally in the line of fire, are being traumatized (if less so) as well?

I really believe this -- the moment will come when not one human being will ever feel the need to traumatize another human being, for any reason. It will be a case of, "hurting and traumatizing others" -- as a concept -- will simply not compute. To reference my topic the other day, we have just about outgrown it.

The Unlikeliest Outcome

I feel the need to write as often as possible right now, not quite "as if there is no tomorrow" (although that quality has never felt more real), but simply because things are moving so quickly, without and within. Yes, I am on retreat, but I have listened to the news once or twice a day, and understand the nature of events in the collective. Things are being turned completely topsy-turvy. 

So far, there has been one major takeaway from these three days. On many occasions, I have noticed (and expressed here) that my life has been almost literally the polar opposite to the one I would have liked, in just about every area. The paradigm we have been living in has seemed like a mile-high brick wall, blocking every well-meaning step to a female mystic's self-actualization. Making my kind of dreams come true has seemed at best, unlikely, usually, impossible.

Yet with everything shifting, bricks seem to be falling out of the wall. The imposing barrier feels mutable. I'm not quite at the point of believing that I can finally, easily, create my reality, but I think I will walk away tomorrow believing that the unlikeliest life outcomes could possibly happen now. I think I will walk away with a softer heart, believing that in the Age of Aquarius, new kinds of paths will open. I don't have a laundry list of demands, just sort of a warm-hearted "what if"? I have a smile, not a determined grimace, on my face.

And I am convinced that some of these unlikely outcomes could manifest on the bigger stage as well. It's easy to let one's brain leap to certain conclusions. Yes, the reality of what is happening "is what it is". But what today's truth will lead to, we don't know yet. What would be the best outcome for Mother Earth? This moment's scenario seems far from that, and yet we cannot see beyond the falling bricks. Perhaps She is beginning, Herself, to sense an opening for Her unlikeliest outcomes to materialize!

Outgrown

The only thing keeping me going this week is the belief that a large percentage of humanity has already outgrown the paradigm that we are seeing play out in front of our eyes (and for many people, literally on their streets). Too many humans are way beyond that manner of thinking, much less acting. And Gaia Herself is so "done" with it. Those of us not on board with conflict and domination have to make our own decisions about how to grow the new paradigm, and express the Aquarian values that are the cornerstone of coming centuries. Watching the old paradigm play out and die out is excruciating; hanging onto the core of Love within ourselves is key to moving forward.

The harder part is realizing how much one is outgrowing on a personal level as all this is taking place. Even one of the positive developments I experienced a few days ago now seems like something from a previous century. I think I've been ahead of the curve my whole life, but I managed to ground myself in certain places and with certain people just enough to keep from completely falling between the cracks. Now, in my old cabin cruiser speeding down the lake with my few bags of belongings, watching the foamy wake disappear behind me, I feel some of the wrenching tears on a personal level. When "they" talk of going through the eye of the needle of spiritual growth, it's for real. All that will fit through this passageway is you, your dear heart, a few belongings, and open arms. I've essentially been a solitary New Age nun most of my life, no matter what setting I was living in, and I am actually tired of being alone. It terrifies me that this portal must be travelled solo, much as I seem made for it. As soon as I step through, I trust with all my heart that there will be kindred spirits on the other side/in the new cove of the lake/whatever metaphor you like. People for whom war, conflict, and resistance simply do not compute. People who have also put "all their eggs" in the Love basket.

I'm on retreat this weekend, and in light of the above, it is both the best and the hardest place to be. Wherever you are, blessings. Keep breathing. Keep being yourself.

Eclipsed

The last few days have been so astonishing, I really don't know where to start. 

Events have illustrated one thing more clearly than any of the other times I have said it: it doesn't matter how long one has anticipated certain kinds of developments or trends, how many significant astrological signs seem to point to shifts and changes, or how much you feel energies within yourself coming to a head. The fact is that the reality of the current world scene must be about ten times worse than I could possibly have imagined. My head may be saying, "this is much as I might have expected, at around the time I expected it." But my heart is breaking at the scope of the spreading inhumanity, and the knowledge that this is just the beginning of a long process. I simply cannot completely disengage my heart, nor should I, even as I search out ahead of the curve for the harbor in which to help build the more loving new paradigm. 

Yesterday, I woke up before 4 AM and walked to the side of the house facing the moon. There it was, crisp and full outside the window, perhaps just barely beginning to be eclipsed by earth. Yet half-an-hour later, when I went again to see if there had been any progress, clouds had rolled in and the orb was completely obscured. The eclipse itself had been eclipsed, and before long it started to snow, so in our part of the world, no blood moon. 

Yet the energies of the significant portal remained strong, and the most amazing development for me was two big "yeses" in one day. This lifetime has been littered with rejection -- job applications, great creative ideas, auditions, you name it.  A few notable exceptions keep me from completely expecting the worse, but my prevailing energy toward life has been -- despite this being completely against my spiritual leanings! -- "struggle against", "things I want most won't happen longterm", "this paradigm hasn't worked with or for me". (What sad self-talk!) Yet suddenly, on a day representing a clear change of astrological direction, I received two positive responses to things I had initiated but had been on hold. It's like all my life, I have been a moon in shadow, and finally the objects blocking the light are orbiting off. Their time has come -- and gone. I need to get used to the idea that it is a "yes"-based universe, not just in theory, but even for me!

To get back to the horrors unfolding, even they are being subtly eclipsed by all of us "light workers". Those of us who are luminous have long been eclipsed by the energy of non-Love, but no longer. If we can stay focused on the beauty and power of natural phenomena, the everlasting nature of all life, and belief in a more Love-based future, Earth (and its inhabitants) may still have a softish landing. A visible, hope-filled landing.

The Biggest Tragedy

This may be the first time in my entire ten years of writing this blog that I have started to write my next post apparently before anyone at all has read my previous post.  Given the significance and enormity of this weekend's events, given the personal and philosophical nature of my writing, and given the powerful energy of this current shift upwards, I guess I am not surprised. Too much is happening. Tomorrow's full moon/eclipse is yet another portal, and all of us are, in one way or another, "hanging on for dear life". 

Still, I continue to watch these events as if through clouded glasses. When you arrive at 70 realizing that you are completely "post-duality", the utter absurdity of the concept of war becomes the most unbearable thing, not the pain of knowing that people are being killed and all life on earth disrupted. The biggest tragedy is philosophical, the outmoded belief that anyone can ever win a conflict, the belief that any side will ever be victorious, or prevail, or gain anything longterm from war. 

Originally, I had planned to write today about volcanoes. I've started to do something that I might previously have considered a waste of time, but at the moment feels calming -- filling in "adult" coloring books. Oddly enough, the first image I chose to color was of an erupting volcano. It resonated with me. Even putting aside the events in the news, Mother Earth is clearly undergoing profound shifts of her own. My hunch is, She's probably just about had it with having the surface of Her skin cratered by bombs, Her people pointlessly killed, Her air and rivers poisoned by weaponry and toxins. Her consciousness is expanding just as ours is, and what was trapped within is pouring outward and will do so at an ever-increasing rate. Some might say that the consequences of natural disasters are as tragic as manmade events, but I don't see it that way, especially at this moment in history. I guess my bias slants firmly in the direction of the Goddess, and the survival of Earth itself. Whether it remains habitable for life, any form of life, is Her first priority, and because we don't seem to be able to put Her safety first. She may end up acting quite radically to do it Herself. Nature is ultimately in charge here. It is too bad our leaders and generals don't seem to understand that.

This Morning

This morning around 8 AM, I did hear news on the radio before starting to write. I had actually woken up at about 2:30 AM and never got back to sleep. I don't think it is too fanciful to imagine that I had an idea that something major was going on somewhere, that the unsettling energies were the portent of something extremely significant. As indeed is the case.

I guess the only thing to be said is that I'm relieved that I've understood for a number of decades what kinds of major shifts would happen in the 2020's, and I am not just now waking up to the intertwined realities. As hard as it has been, at least I've had time to slowly readjust my expectations, and embrace positive future probabilities. At least I've reached the point of racing down the lake, with white, frothy wake (history) rippling out behind me. May I soon bring my boat into another safe harbor where it is possible to greet others, which feels like my natural role in the emerging paradigm.  

There may be hard months, years, ahead for those more personally engaged in the old paradigm. Even I feel moments of fear. But whenever possible, we can influence events for the better by staying calm and fearless. Yes, entire constructs are collapsing, but they cannot tolerate the energy of Love. Let them go. A lot of beautiful new life is also being birthed, on the Love wavelength. May we focus on that. And although I have a friend who hates when I say this, I'll say it anyway -- "keep breathing!"

PS...

A number of times over the years, it has been strange to realize that something I have written about in the morning has taken on extra meaning in the news later in the day (I generally write early, often before having heard or seen any news). Yeah, those times when I have referred to a metaphorical tsunami, and there has been a tsunami somewhere in the news, or an earthquake, and there has been an earthquake somewhere in the world. That kind of thing. Recent news was one of the reasons I had changed from "speedboat" to "motorboat" in the metaphor referred to in the last few blog posts, but still, the fact that such boats also figured in another world arena yesterday was a bit weird.

Still, I think it is really important that we don't allow our joy to be snatched away, by anyone! If the image inspiring me at the moment involves me in an old-fashioned motorboat wailing down Lake Champlain, joyfully feeling the sun in my face and the wind and water in my hair, I do not have to go down the rabbit hole of projecting fear onto the imagery. I don't need to find another metaphor. I don't need to resist or react in any way. This week, if I can access joy in any way, shape, or form that hurts no one else, I need to do that. It may be that a different metaphor will begin to speak to me in upcoming weeks, and if that happens, you know you will hear about it! (Smile!)