The Sick Day

Back when I worked at my first job (at Time-Life Books in the late 70's), my boss told the story of her early working days, which were in Manhattan in the 1950's and 60's. When she simply needed a day off (what I suppose would more recently be called a "mental health day"), she would call up her boss, and in a wavery, hoarse voice, she'd say, "The way I'm feeling, I cannot possibly come to work today." Thus she never lied and said she was sick with X, Y or Z -- she just implied that she was doing very poorly. And I guess this "worked"! Now, why she essentially taught her young charges to do the same thing, I cannot imagine! And I don't think I ever tried this trick on her, or on any other boss over the years. 

But this past Sunday, I essentially took a "sick day" at my new apartment, even though I wasn't sick. I just needed to not run around with my new-found city bus freedom, not obsess about furnishing a still-almost-empty apartment, not wonder about the deep spiritual meaning of the fall equinox, or ponder the odd dreams I have been having. I needed to sleep, eat only what was already in the fridge, listen to classical music on the radio, read, and listen to the rain falling outside. I needed to get used to the sounds of the place (refrigerator, hot water heater, church bells at noon and 6 pm, other tenants) and look at the view out the window. I needed to confront the beauty -- and loneliness -- of being in my own space, and having committed to a path that at least for some time to come will keep me from traveling to the place in the world that has always really felt like home. 

And yet, I see the necessity of this portal, about it being about as few outside references as possible, just my apartment and me. Sunday, I was able to set a baseline tone for the place. What energies, objects, and rhythms are consistent with the Goddess in me? What will be beautiful enough, spacious enough, and light enough? It's funny that I was remembering the above memory from almost 50 years ago, because my current apartment is so low-tech, it's almost exactly like the one I had when I was working at Time-Life Books! (I can almost visualize the rotary phone on the wall!) Back then I was a completely different "girl". And yet, exactly the same, now in a higher iteration -- a reading-, music-, spirituality- and art-loving mystic. Having a space of my own to fit the older version of that person is a powerful and beautiful new beginning, and I am so thankful.

It's as Simple as That

All this hoopla these last few weeks about a certain form of intelligence, and why are we surprised?

I've said this here a few times; when the powers-that-be decided years ago to skip over women's intelligence (or more generally, right brain, spontaneous, creative ways of knowing) in favor of the "artificial", the end result was just about guaranteed. The values entered into the system appear to be only left brain, logical, competitive, dualistic and power-over-based, so that is the outcome you are getting. 

On top of that, this is a "yes"-based universe, so when you tell people (or machines) what not to do, they will inevitably (seeing forbidden fruit) say, "Yes, I want to do that!" Lordy, all these billions spent, and poor little old me could have told them this a decade or two ago.

Am I afraid? Basically, no. This is the hyped-up drama of the end of one paradigm meeting the calm, alive, unified love and joy energy of the new paradigm. Whatever happens, the new paradigm is already in place and whatever is an energetic match with its beautiful, positive values will move forward. It's as simple as that.

A New "Minute"?

Referring to my last post, I have not been able to write a new paradigm "Story of a Minute"...and I think this is the problem.

Here are four assumptions I have for the new paradigm.

• All women will be respected for their wisdom and self-sovereignty
• Love will be the "currency"
• The land will not be "owned" by humans -- earth is the body of Gaia, and people will understand this
• We will be "post-duality", so there literally will be little conflict. Indeed, it will energetically not be possible to fight in our current sense of the word

So, current concepts of good literature, great literature, and great entertainment of all kinds, simply won't exist. It has been too based in us vs. them understandings that are evaporating. I think I've mulled this over in one or two past posts -- how will entertainment as we have thought of it up until now even exist? Well, it probably won't. There will be huge challenges dealing with climate and spiritual transformation, and new kinds of literature may rise up around that, but the human-to-human (or human-to-alien) conflicts will fizzle away and certainly won't seem entertaining. 

I feel extremely low energy/coldy (too many new things to deal with!), so over the weekend I'll take better care of myself. If any deep thoughts on this come to me, I'll let you know next week. Meanwhile, take care of yourselves!

The Story of a Minute

Many of you have probably read "The Story of an Hour", the remarkable story by Kate Chopin (and if you haven't, do go find it!). It is about a wealthy woman in 19th century New Orleans who is informed of her husband's death in a train accident. Upon hearing the news, she goes to her room wishing not to be disturbed. At first, she goes through shock and grief. But within a short time, her inner horizon has opened up to the reality that she is now completely free in a way she has never been before (and that few women of that era or any other era have been). Because she is well off, she will be completely independent and able to make her own decisions. Of course, there's a surprise ending to this feminist classic, widening her gamut of emotions.

The other day, I was reading a fictional story in which an 18th century young woman has a serious discussion with her father. Turns out he wishes to give her some property, to deed it over to her because he is concerned for her welfare as an unmarried woman.

The second I read this, I started on my own inner journey. My very first thought was self-pitying, sort of, "Why didn't I ever hear these words? Even in the fictional 1700's, a father had the capacity to care about a daughter's future, and provide for her. At least some women (fictional or otherwise) must experience this kind of love!" And yet reading the next page (which probably took me a minute or two to read), I joined this fictional character in coming step-by-step to the shattering realization that this "gift" was contingent on her marrying a certain man and -- this being two hundred-plus years ago --- the second that happened, the property would revert to her husband. It was all effectively a dishonest lure into a trap that would only enrich the men in her life. 

I inevitably had to take another look at the father-daughter interaction I wrote about a few days ago ("The Black Hole with No White Dress", August 26). Because my father's finances were a disaster in the late '70's, rather than declare that I should never marry, why didn't Dad push me to marry a rich entitled WASP prince, what in ensuing decades would be called a "Master of the Universe"? He would have benefitted far more around the edges of that scenario than in my wandering mystic one! (This is where I sense the possibility that he actually understood me deep, deep, deep down...)

Oh dear. I guess you can only laugh...the strange angels on your path, eh? Human, animal, fictional, and otherwise.

Years ago, I tried to write a futuristic novel. Perhaps today's activity, just for fun, is to write my "Story of a Minute" with the fulfilling and respectful ending I want, on behalf of all of us!!!!

Moving

I guess so far, the takeaway from my latest move is how utterly exhausting it has been. It is a combination of many different things, from having lived so many places over the last two decades, to being over 70, to the physical exertion needed to pick up even limited numbers of boxes. But in my case, there is much, much more. It's like walking backward into the old paradigm at a moment when I can almost physically feel the energies of the new paradigm surging forward. It's returning to owning more things (including heavy things like furniture) when for years most of my belongings have been packed in boxes. It's opening purchases packed in plastic, and being more part of a consumer model that I find hard on so many levels. 

And yet...(and this is important)...I need to live alone right now. For so many reasons, the most important of which is so that I can align with the Goddess to the greatest extent possible. The current situation is the best way to do that for the moment. I may face loneliness, boredom, and other aspects of the Void far more acutely than I have done in years, and whether I take up good habits or bad ones remains to be seen. There may be changes to my diet, but whether that means becoming a vegetarian, or eating nothing but junk food, I don't know. Some days it may be easier to get exercise in my new setting, and I will be on a bus line so I'll have more freedom to be spontaneous. That is good.

Overall, this change is "moving". It will change me somehow, I'm not sure how. It will move me somehow. In an era when so many people have less housing security, I am very, very thankful for some of it right now, especially heading into winter. Today is the last push toward getting my belongings in one place. I couldn't sleep last night, so I suspect a lot of sleeping will be part of my immediate future! For the time being, my writing schedule may be somewhat erratic, so bear with me. Thanks!

Acquiring Things

There is no question about it: the most challenging thing right now will be acquiring things. Putting aside every other consideration in my life, the fact is that I have never been comfortable in acquisition mode. This is at least part of why I have not earned money easily, or wanted to own property, or enthusiastically taken part in the structures and institutions that most people take for granted. I truly am wired differently, immune to the siren call of ownership. In addition to that, I am going to want to seriously limit the amount of plastic that I have in my space. Having said that, the two items that I won't be able to put off very long are a small circular area rug for my main room, and a toaster oven. (I am calling it my main room, not "living room", just to free myself from needing it to look like a conventional living room. It may be more like an office or studio, actually. A space in which to write, and further move ahead spiritually.)

Yes, many strange aspects to all this, including the fact I'm convinced that in the not-too-distant future, I'll meet my soulmate! How beautiful it is to be offered space in which to do the final work on getting to know myself. And in order to do that, anything I "acquire" needs to be beautiful to me, on some level.

Maybe if I think of it as "acquiring beautiful things", that will filter out "stuff" -- and it is possible to find beautiful things that aren't expensive. So as my contemporaries pare down their belongings, I'm going just a few footsteps in the other direction. I guess it's OK, as long as I don't become too attached. Life is so paradoxical and wondrous sometimes, isn't it?

A Space of My Own

Over the last four days, I have transitioned from almost 20 years of being a wandering mystic -- virtually always sharing other peoples' spaces, living in an intentional community, or house-or-cat-sitting -- to having a space of my own.

To say that this is freaky would be an understatement. A few pieces of furniture have been donated by friends (a bed, two tiny dressers, and a small table and two chairs) but otherwise the space is quite empty.  Conceptually, I've loved sharing things like vacuums, appliances, etc., and at this moment in history to actually have to purchase a few of these things feels very peculiar. So in order not to stress out, I am going very slowly, and trying to think of this empty space as the womb of my new timeline, a void that I do not need to fill up willy-nilly. As of now, no TV, just an FM radio.

That's all I can say today, but, with a lot of help, I did it! I am so thankful. I think this will be a rich time.