Goddess Words 42: Travel

As I looked at my old hand-written Goddess words list this morning, I was surprised to see that the word "Travel" showed up twice. Several other words do too -- this list (on cardboard) was penned quickly and spontaneously, and a handful (like "Love") show up toward the top and then toward the bottom as well. But "travel" is interesting, and is a little more nuanced for me now than it was twenty years ago. Not to mention a bit surreal at this moment in time.

I suspect I put it on the original list because it represents freedom, especially for women, our freedom to live and move about as we wish. Perhaps in an earlier era, or in most other countries of the world, I could never even have conceptualized the kind of travel that I did on and off throughout my life, whether by airplane to Europe or in a little car (or bus or train) around the U.S. The freedom to wake up in the morning and think, "Where will I head today?" -- in a sense it has been mine most of my life, having stayed single, childless, and "homeless". With the current threats to our freedoms, I find myself wishing that I had traveled a bit more extravagantly, and seen more cultures that were truly foreign to me. (I realize with a little embarrassment that virtually all my travel has been to countries -- Canada, Britain, France, the Netherlands -- that represent my heritage. Hmm....)

The piece that feels more bittersweet now is the awareness that in my lifetime, it was necessary to use fuel to power the forms of transportation I used. This kind of exploration was hard on Mother Nature, hard on the earth. We didn't think about it that much twenty, thirty, forty years ago. I don't regret having undertaken such travel, but if I have the opportunity in future to visit new places, I suspect it will be done very deliberately, with an even clearer sense of purpose and focus than before.

In a more Goddess-centered culture, how would travel be different? The first thing that comes to mind is that there would be few, if any, "boundaries", so there wouldn't be the same sense of being a foreigner or a stranger. All places on earth would be "home", at least in the metaphorical sense of the word. It may end up being harder in the near future to physically travel, for a host of reasons, but this may eventually be replaced by people developing new skills like teleportation, time travel, etc. Aligning with love, new pathways (literally!) may open to us all. It will take courage to navigate these pathways, but travel (especially solo travel) has always required a certain amount of courage, hasn't it? 

I don't think the Goddess has to travel. She is everywhere. So we don't need to travel to find her, except maybe within...

She Says

Well, I am still trying to process the material that I channelled over a week ago, as well as a little more yesterday. This happens in my personal handwritten journal -- I've been doing it for years, only for the most part it used to be personal guidance, sort of an internal cheering section. "Hang in there, you're doing fine" kind of thing. During the pandemic, I did some more "pointed" channelling, about humanity's response to the pandemic, but I didn't own a computer and had no access to one -- and those entries are gone now. Last year, I had to throw out about 30 pounds of journals simply because I had to pare way back and put as little into storage as possible. 

So now, new channelling. Who am I channelling? My inner self? My ancestress Beryl? The Goddess? Mother Earth? All of the above? I'm not completely sure, although Mother Nature seems to identify Herself. I'm re-reading the paragraphs from the lens of anger, and realizing, yes, they contain a fair amount of that. I'm pretty sure the Goddess has those moments (those jokes about God coming back, and "she's pissed"!), and I'm comfortable up to a point with my own anger, now that I've been pretty honest about it. It's not really a case of, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. But I do believe things are moving so fast that we need to focus primarily on the warm-hearted path through these hard times, and be as loving as possible. At the very least, be aware of when we are operating lovingly and when we are not.

So, for the moment, I'm only sharing a short portion of what came to me last Sunday, but as it has to do with earth changes, I think it's relevant, and it's more visionary than critical. Perhaps Mother Earth is speaking for all of us women!

...It's about all the insults, the disrespect, the ghosting. The indignities, small and large. All stuffed down into my belly, hidden from sight. All my power, stuffed down, year after year. And now it's bursting forth...I see a world far beneath the surface, far beneath the trees' roots and the mines and the oceans, a world of fires that will themselves melt the toxins and create new landscapes and forge new paths. We will be changed. Nature will be changed. It won't feel like love, but it is the force of love and creative self-expression and I get to do this because I am Mother Earth and this is my body, and if I wish to re-form Her now, old woman that I am, I get to re-form Her because I have that agency. I have that sovereignty.

Unfulfilled Dreams

Two days ago, in the midst of considering the material I channelled last Sunday, some anger surfaced about my unfulfilled dreams, yes, to sing English church music, to live over there, and last but not least, the vision I've always had of having a comfortable, beautiful home with a cozy library, complete with wall-to-wall bookshelves, an oriental rug, and a big desk. In the midst of everything that is going on in the world, these may seem frivolous, and yet I cannot disrespect my own dreams simply because other people have made the choice to unleash waves of rage, violence, and distress. But I realize that I need to address my personal anger and try to heal at least some of it, before moving forward in any way. It needs to be done before I include more channelling, and much more writing of any kind, in this venue. It also needs to be done before I figure out future housing, and moving or throwing out belongings, especially the dozen-or-so book boxes I have in storage.

Surprisingly, I seem to have very quickly made some progress on all this, which may reflect the intensity of energy in our world right now, or the possibility that I haven't dug deep enough, and that I'm staying too superficial. But I'm in a very different place today than I even was a few days ago (and most of my life, in terms of chronic attacks of bittersweetness and perhaps even all-out bitterness about how things turned out). Here's what shifted, what new realizations came to me:

• Energetically, I've now moved far beyond the cathedral settings, and the specific services, and their "choreography" and music patterns (but not the energetic imprint and beauty of the glorious pieces themselves)
• It may be because I am so centered in the values of the Goddess that I probably couldn't have lived the kind of life over there that I would have wanted (immersed in church and early music, fine arts of all kinds, and history/archaeology), no matter how much these factors attracted me. It is possible that I had already spiritually "outgrown" these things by the time I studied over there, in 1980-81
• To put it another way, it was somewhat more possible to live according to Goddess values over here. Barely possible, but I'm still alive. Even though I didn't always "get" what I was doing, I lived in more alignment with the Goddess the way my life unfolded, and this must have been my divine agreement for this lifetime
• And lastly (for now), it has reached the point where it would be harder and harder for me to even attend choral evensong services, much less sing them, not because of the music but because of the words, the theology

What does all this mean? That at least some of the weight of my lingering sadness/anger/disorientation over my unrealized dreams and preferences has lifted in the last few days. These emotions have informed my whole life, even (I assume) every single blog post that I have written and conversation I have had with friends. I regret this, and yet I simply hadn't yet reached this specific layer of pain until now. For this weekend? Taking part in an online conference, journaling, reading, sleeping and eating. I need to catch up with at least some of the evolution happening within me. The world will hopefully still be here by the beginning of next week...

 

Oracles

Monday, I said I would soon share some material that I channelled in writing on Sunday afternoon. It's pretty powerful, really powerful actually. So I'm trying to figure out if this is the right venue for it, the right timing etc. I hope I won't chicken out entirely, but I guess someone could rightly call me the "reluctant visionary"...sometimes I wish I were anyone but myself!

In a nutshell, though, I can say this. For those of us trying to see the bigger picture behind everything that is happening, trying to understand where this is all leading us in the future, the entire universe is our oracle. Everything we see and experience is arguably an "oracle", a possible window to divine messages and wisdom. Some people may be drawn to the writings of traditional religions, some to new age oracles, some to the oracle of nature -- and some have no inclinations in this direction at all. At the moment, I'm looking without (to the heavens), within myself, as well as to Nature Herself. I'm watching and listening for synchronicities. What is the Earth trying to tell us? The continued brown dryness of the grasses around here (odd for spring) seems to speak loud, as does the fact that my favorite hawk has developed a gap in her left wing, a place where at least one feather is missing. Has she encountered difficulties? Was she in a fight? She seems to be flying all right, but it is still concerning. These anomalies speak.

I guess the key is to listen to whatever or whoever makes the most sense to us personally. There may be several good oracles in our lives, or only one. Making time to listen is the biggest challenge...to hear in the stillness amidst the world's cacophony. And for people who channel as I do, once you hear and record the message, how and to whom do you communicate it? Is this material anyone wants to hear? I think if I knew the answer to that latter question was an enthusiastic "yes", I'd never hesitate. Unfortunately, I have so often been told that my voice is unwelcome, that it's still hard to move forward in a state of flow and courage.

Hmmmm.....