This weekend, I was able to pull myself together and go out into the world to do some "normal" things. That is to say, things that in modern America aren't considered odd in the least: I had coffee with a friend at a coffee shop, I went into three huge big box stores, and I attended a street art fair.
The coffee was pretty easy to manage, especially as the weather was fine enough to sit outside at a picnic table. Friendship and the out-of-doors -- a good combination. But the big box stores were truly torture. In all three cases, I was basically "along for the ride", but there were a few essential items I needed and the timing of the car ride was providential. Still...these cavernous buildings crammed with items made from plastic, or wrapped in plastic, or in many cases, both, have come to be an impossible energetic mismatch for me. The one store with a focus on clothing (much of which is also made of man-made materials) had the added disadvantage of being an unholy mess, with apparel tossed hither and yon, shoe box piles toppled over, and sales signage all askew. The line to the cashier was crammed with what I assume are meant to be impulse purchases, all completely glitzy, plastic, unnecessary, terrifying. That so much of our economy and international tension is based on literally shiploads of these kinds of items is mid-boggling.
The one grocery store in the mix was not much less overwhelming. In fact, it may be more so. (Sorry to bring this kind of thing up again, but I have to do it!) It is so huge and spacious, so glamorous in some respects, that its effect was even more uncomfortable. My mind conjured up (as it frequently does) being a citizen from a war zone, or a visitor to this country from a place of scarcity -- how to even mentally take in all the space, the piles and piles of produce, the numerous brands of each kind of food? The fruit and vegetable area must have been as large as two good-sized American homes, and there were maybe five people shopping at that moment. Who is buying all this food? How much of it is being tossed out in the dark of night, and where? What happens to the tons of expired food? I mean, this isn't about becoming better at collecting such food and distributing it to needy populations--in many communities this is already being done. It's about my certainty that this whole model has been unsustainable for decades, and can't last much longer. But then again, I've thought this thought for years. Plastic is arguably pushing the situation past the tipping point...food items that until recently were still being packed in easily recycled glass bottles or jars are now in plastic. The Goddess in me is in such unbearable pain searching the aisles for my few items, I wish there were another alternative. But this area's only whole foods stores (with some access to bulk buying) are almost impossibly far away for someone with no car. Everything is challenging without a car here. I knew that was going to be the biggest difficulty of the move away from Duluth, and it has been. I don't regret my move one bit, but this is the reality.
Lastly, the outdoor art show. Again, a conflicted experience. It was a beautiful day, and lots of people were out. There was quite a mix of art, quality-wise. I have pretty high standards, so there were really only two participants whose work I really liked. I was glad to see some very young artists displaying their work, but my age was showing -- their work was filled with cartoon, superhero and other references that I didn't quite get! For about 20 minutes, I sat on a bench and essentially people-watched, which also included a considerable amount of dog-watching. Fun. Normally, I would say that art is an important balance to everything happening in the world right now, worthwhile whatever the quality, medium, or subject. But nonetheless there was a sense of unreality about the scene around me. As happens so often with me, I wanted to run around screaming, our world is about to change utterly! Don't you see what's coming? And oddly enough, Mother Nature may Herself have spoken when the wind came up, and a number of artist's metal display units came crashing down, leaving artwork flat on the street and, in some cases, broken. I was sorry for the painters, but also felt a bit better. We have to expect the unexpected right now.
I hate to be so "yes, but..." with so many things. Perhaps this is why I'm experiencing some pretty big swings in energy. I just don't look out and see or feel my exact energy match anywhere. Some of my newfound kindred spirits online seem to be far more undilutedly happy and enthusiastic about our current shift of eras. They seem to be able to move more completely into the New Age without focusing on what some people are calling the old "timeline". Perhaps it is because my connection to that old paradigm has always been so tenuous, and I have had so little security. I'm thrilled that we are finally entering the Age of Aquarius! Overall, I can sense how completely dated and unworkable the old loveless ways are, and I'm excited at the calibre of people around the world who are rising to a new level. It's just that I can feel the lower energies powerfully too, because I've been on my own navigating them for so long. These two realities couldn't be any more different if they tried. But as of now, there are few completely new paradigm places or institutions, so for just a little longer, I guess, the parallel realities will be with us, until the old ones simply fizzle away and we slowly start to build new institutions from the ground up.
