I last wrote about forgiveness about two years ago, but this is a somewhat different approach.
This weekend, in the lull after yet another round of paring back on belongings, several ways that I continue to hold onto some negative inner baggage popped to the surface, perhaps not surprisingly. During the course of this latest process, I was pretty fastidious about blessing the photographs that I chose to throw out, thanking people for the roles they had played in my life. I wasn't as generous-hearted about paperwork. Lets face it, many of the old papers represented institutions and business entities, and I have never felt any alignment with that world. A few weeks ago, it was simply a basic feeling of, "Wow, I'll feel lighter when I recycle this old stuff." But of course, the bad feelings weren't necessarily situated in those brown storage boxes or on the sheets of paper themselves. They were still lingering deep inside of me, my heart, my body, my psyche. Fortunately, the revolving door moves so quickly these days that it didn't take long to realize that I needed to do a little serious healing work, at least around a handful of memories. I'll say a little more about my process below.
What emerged from this was really facing my complicated feelings about nearly 30 years without health insurance (and, usually, health care within our current construct). Back then, I realized that I was going to be on a unique path, and would have to learn unprecedented self-reliance in terms of my physical health. I knew, increasingly, that I was readying myself to operate in the new paradigm. And yet, I also must have been "swallowing" a measure of resentment over the hoops people need to go through to "earn" basic medical attention. I scanned my body for signs of these negative emotions, and focused a lot of love on them, but also felt amazement and gratitude that I'm still here, as ever.
Inevitably, my thoughts took me beyond my own personal experiences. In the current tumultuous moment, what is the bigger picture? How are we who are mystics and healers to respond to widespread cruelty and inhumanity? For those of us not called to protest or push back -- if our role is to embody the new paradigm -- where (if at all) does forgiveness fit in?
In an older dictionary I still consult, the financial and legal roots of the word "forgiveness" are highlighted, but in our modern era, it's more about the psychological release that comes from the decision to no longer hate or resent someone who has harmed us. It's a complicated notion, no matter what perspective you look at it from, isn't it? I have been blocked all these years by the fact that the people and institutions that have caused me the most trauma have not had the capacity to ask for my forgiveness. In that situation, I find it impossible to think or say, "I forgive you." But if I get stuck in my own unforgiveness (duality again!), I cannot be an effective light worker.
So what is the new paradigm path in these situations? I can only speak for myself here, and present my path. 1) I acknowledge the reality of my memories and the hard emotions they bring up (or the reality of a current personal situation or event in the news). Really look at it and feel the pain. 2) (This step is "where I am coming from" and may not work for others.) I go back as far as I can, historically, often acknowledging that the core pain may come from really big, long-arc movements like patriarchy and duality. I cannot adequately explain the historical necessity for these trends in the human experience, but I remind myself that everything I have experienced in this lifetime was birthed in these old models that are now shifting. 3) Then, in that context, I try, if possible, to feel compassion for any person who represents the old paradigm. (Better still, if I can possibly feel genuine, positive gratitude for that person or situation -- for their role in helping me learn new truths -- that's great.) But if I cannot feel either gratitude or compassion -- if an institution or person has simply been too unrepentantly cruel -- then all I can do is say, "I do not speak this old, inhumane language and it is time to turn around and move forward to create a more love-centered world." "Forgiveness" is another concept that will not last long in the new paradigm, because it references not-love. As we move forward, fewer people will knowingly hurt other people, so forgiveness will gradually become unnecessary.
