Someday, I'll probably look back at the last 24 hours as a major turning point, a mid-January, ides of winter 2025 turning point. Now, I've said this kind of thing before (I shudder to think of all the pivot points I've reported to my readers in ten years!), but I suspect this one will stand out. No, I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize. It was all very small -- one thoughtful phone conversation, and then potential links to other people at least basically "like me". But for me, this is huge. Huge. For six months, it has felt like I was in a long empty hall with a succession of locked doors...now, to find one door ajar, one door swinging open slightly with the promise of continued growth beyond it -- well, I can barely breathe at the moment.
Oddly enough, these promising communications were punctuated by going to the movies, something I rarely do. I had to avert my eyes throughout the opening trailers (I've reached the point where I cannot tolerate even the slightest amount of violence or conflict). My issue with the feature movie ("Wicked") wasn't so much violence as it was the duality message. From citizens cheering the death of the "wicked witch" to the (perhaps telling, but still absurd) final loud, colorful, and dramatic good-becoming-"wicked" and "wicked"-becoming-good moment...(with the promise of more to come in a sequel). I was shocked once again by how it seems to be almost impossible to create "entertainment" that isn't centered on this essential assumption of dueling polarities. The split in the human psyche cannot be healed by so-called victory, or by such entertainment. And, yes, another layer of complexity was added to the experience, knowing that many people who worked on this movie must surely be affected by the fires. Surreality, again.
So I return to what is real for me, since that is all I can do. The door ajar. May I have the courage to go through it a step at a time, to feel my way forward through love, beauty and growth.
