Choir

A news report about the unsuccessful effort by a 9-year-old girl to join an elite German boys' choir has, once again, brought up this core part of my own journey, which I am writing about in my book.

On the one hand, I feel such solidarity with her. It is vindication, validating my own desire, starting 59 years ago, to sing the music of the English men-and-boys' choir tradition. I shouldn't still need to validate it, but strangely, I do.

And yet the fact that she was blocked in court causes a new wave of heartbreak. In the 1960's no one would even have considered suing. I am not big on lawsuits, but in this case I'm glad she and/or her parents had the courage to take that modern route. It brought into the public eye all the traditional arguments against girls in these choirs -- the slightly different sound made by girls and boys at young ages, and the limited time that the boys can sing soprano. Then there is the appeal to tradition; 500 to 1,000 years is a long time, and a huge barrier to even the slightest change. The court ruled for the choirmasters' artistic discretion and against the young singer..

Many English cathedrals have instituted girls' choirs which alternate services with the boys. But the most prominent English and American choirs are still men and boys. And while adult women have increasing numbers of opportunities in secondary and visiting choirs, full acceptance of us within the tradition seems to be almost as far off as ever. This makes it very hard for young women to pursue the related option of entering the field as organist-choirmasters or organ scholars...as I learned too well, if you don't have a solid network of older role models and a variety of welcoming opportunities, it is impossible to move upwards.

At my age, I guess I am more aware of what all this "feels" like than the actual intellectual, musical or legal arguments. It is, above all, about feeling welcome -- or not. I saw the words, "Never will a girl sing in a boys' choir" and I felt the punch to my stomach just as I have so many times before. When you are called to sing a specific tradition of sacred music at a high level, and you are not "allowed" to, your soul may never fully recover. Mine didn't. I pray that this young girl discovers some new, satisfying alternatives, or that her suit eventually opens some doors for her and others of her generation. I'd like her to know that I, too, tried my best! (As I write this, I am crying.)

Shifts

OK, so I remember when I first lived in Duluth in the 90's, I began to sense that we were nearing major shifts in both human consciousness and our cultural center-of-gravity. It just seemed to me that we were on an unsustainable path and that things were going to change quite substantially -- at some point. And then it seemed like the kinds of shifts I was envisioning weren't happening. I wondered for several decades if it hadn't just been a figment of my imagination...

These last few weeks, I'm becoming pretty convinced that it wasn't my imagination. What is happening is too big, too dramatic, too close to home.

I'm tired from working on my book -- it's an emotional thing to do. And the news simply becomes more terrifying and more grotesque by the minute. So how to continue on a forward path right now without losing heart? All I seem to be able to do is keep checking in with myself about who I am, what my values are, and what forms of beauty constitute my personal backbone. All I can seem to do is be that person in the world. Coming from the background I come from, such a self-focus doesn't come easily, and can be uncomfortable. But I cannot control anything, anything, outside myself. Beauty, joy, love and truth will certainly exist beyond these shifts, probably in even greater measure than before; those of us who can must consistently personify these positive qualities as events unfold, as kind of a golden path through the darkness.