Goddess Words 5: Boulders/Bolder

Well, I decided that "The Words of the Goddess" is just too clumsy (and possibly pretentious sounding) if I may be writing over a hundred posts about the words on my handwritten list. My writer/researcher self wanted to be true to my original document, but sometimes you have to let go of your training and just live..."Goddess Words" it'll be for now.

"Boulders." You must be thinking, how on earth does this rate being near the top of a list featuring concepts like Love, Beauty and Synchronicity? Actually, it is rather far down the list, which I wrote (and will present) in no particular order. But it appeals today. Boulders are huge rocks, usually too big to be moved by human hands alone, and often rounded by generations of erosion. 

There are boulders galore near Lake Superior. When I first lived here in the early 1990's, and had a car, I frequently took drives up the scenic road to Two Harbors. There were probably a dozen pull-offs back then (sadly, some have closed because of -- yup -- erosion!) and I would park, and make my way down onto the rocky shoreline. On a sunny day, I loved clambering onto the rocks, then stretching out in the sun. I loved the heat from the rocks as well as the sky -- and normally I don't tolerate the heat. But on the rocks, it was different. I felt part of nature in a way I rarely do otherwise. I felt animal, aligned with the setting. And I loved using my hands and feet to move horizontally, getting out of formal, upright mode.

Earlier this week, I was on the Lakewalk, and I realized that about a third of a mile away there is a rock point jutting out into the lake that I have never explored. A mom and her children were out there, playing. I wanted to join them, but, thirty years older, less mobile, and fearful from previous falls and sort of "COVID-era trauma", I didn't. This morning, I'm thinking, really? Really? When did that happen? Over the next week, I promise to myself and you, I'll go back and find my way onto that rocky point, and tell you about it.

Why do boulders speak "Goddess"/Mother Nature to me? They aren't soft, and in a sense they aren't welcoming, like a grassy meadow or a garden. They are ancient and hard. You have to do a little work to connect with them. But they are survivors. They are rounded and variegated and powerful. The kinds of floods that have destroyed entire manmade communities merely rub a tiny millimeter of surface from them, without changing their essential natures. They are the closest things we have in our lives to "eternal". And it just occurred to me, what is the main construction material of English cathedrals, where I feel most at home? Stone. Boulders. Hmm...I hadn't made that link before. 

I'm throwing in the homophone ("bolder") just because. It's time we women find a way to be bolder. Not to fight, not to take power over, not to rage, not to stand up to anyone or anything. Simply to speak more boldly and confidently, and to act more boldly. Thank our fears for trying to protect us, but move forward anyway. Be solid. Be like a boulder. My assignment for becoming bolder this week will be to find my way to the boulder. What's yours?!

Sea Turtles

By far, the most intriguing item of news I saw this morning was the report that the vast majority of sea turtles being born in Florida and elsewhere around the world are female. As in, nearly all of them. Of course, the culprit is global warming, and the high temperatures of the sand where they nest. And of course, this isn't good for the future of sea turtles, or, presumably, for the rest of us.

I know I should read more about climate chaos. I am capable of understanding scientific material for general readers and perhaps even at a higher level. This trend doesn't surprise me, and perhaps I would attract more readers if I approached our current dilemmas from a more well-read perspective. Heck, I am a former Time Inc-er with master's in historical musicology. I can "do" these things.

But a sea change has happened within me too, shifting sands, whatever ocean-based metaphor you want to use. I think it started years ago, when my move to Duluth made reading the daily New York Times an impossibility. Even after I returned back East, I was no longer as engaged as I had been in the perspective of our elite institutions. Several years of soaking in the wisdom of Nature herself (in the form of a daily view of Lake Superior) had all but washed away my personal need to read articles and books and (now) web sites in order to understand things. I began to follow my own inner wisdom, even though doing that made it increasingly impossible to function in our system. In the midst of my push to return to the field of English church music, I researched and wrote two articles about composer Herbert Howells, and I did it well...but since then, all I seem to be able to write is this blog...and the personal and sometimes "channelled" material in my own journal. I reached a tipping point, and went over it. I read very little traditional fiction or news/non-fiction now. I'm almost exclusively interested in trying to intuit, from a more Goddess-centered perspective, what is going on in the world.

The sea turtle situation is a case in point. It is so extreme, that if we were wise, our whole society would bring itself to a voluntary screeching halt to study its implications; that seems unlikely, doesn't it? But maybe a few of us have time to consider it metaphorically: Is it a sign of the future? Will human women tolerate upcoming environmental changes better than men? Is this Mother Nature saying, effectively, "I am all that matters any more"? I am curious too. Science is so informed by notions of duality and conflict, that it, too, may change in upcoming decades. Our world will change, and how we explain our world's changes will undoubtedly change. This doesn't mean that an all-female population of sea turtles is a good thing. But let's stay open to the possibility that there is a process going on here that is entirely too big for us to grasp, and a wisdom behind it much greater than ours. 

The Words of the Goddess 4: Synchronicity

I am plowing ahead this morning with my Goddess words, even though I have been uncharacteristically depressed. The root of it is potential changes to my living situation and, ultimately, not having a permanent home...this chronic uncertainty was easier at 46 and 56 than at 66, that's for sure! But I look at all the people being uprooted all over our country and our world, and know I have been unbelievably fortunate given how I couldn't embrace the way our system works. Plus, presenting this list is not just about trying to portray a future more Goddess-friendly world; it puts the spotlight on qualities that we may arguably need right now in order to get through the changes we are already experiencing. Finding some way to matter helps me when I get down.

So...synchronicity. "Meaningful coincidences" and the ability to notice and act on them. And I'd add several other terms here: intuition, inspiration, epiphanies, spontaneity, being able to make quick life changes, and to understand immediately and on a deep level what you are seeing in front of you. These "right brain" Goddess terms and skills are, in ways, the complete opposite of what most of us learned in school, from parents, and in the work world. It is the idea of immediate enlightenment rather than step-by-step building block learning or progress. It is the idea of trusting your own gut reactions and inner knowing as much as or over what you hear in the media. It is the idea of noticing signs and energies -- and trusting what your mind and body are telling you. It isn't so much anti-scientific or academic, as it is giving oneself permission to expand one's palette of ways of knowing. A really healthy person or world can undoubtedly make lists and write reports at the appropriate time, and yet be open to acting on "aha moments" and joyful coincidences a few minutes later.

My life offers a few illustrations. Back in the prehistoric era of 1979 (!), I wrote away to a dozen or so British universities for catalogues, wanting to spend a year studying for a master's degree. The first few that arrived air mail didn't grab me, but when I received the booklet from Royal Holloway College, I knew before even turning the first page it that I had found the right program. It was as if lightning was striking, but also as if I remembered my future and knew. Interestingly enough, the purely academic aspect of the year would not be as compelling as what might be called the right brain aspects: daily singing, friendships, getting to know a country I love, lots of magical experiences and delight. Another illustration: when I was driving around the US in 1990 (having sadly given up on making my way to England permanently, and decided to get to know my own country), I was really open to finding a new home outside the Northeast. As I drove west, it seemed like everywhere I went I saw Minnesota license plates. At first, I pooh-poohed it, but it kept happening, and when I finally arrived in Minnesota, a further synchronicity/chance meeting led me up to Duluth. This wasn't a researched, logical way of creating a future, but to this day, I think I was led by the Goddess for a reason to this unlikely, beautiful, growth-filled place. To use Quaker terminology, way opened, and has done a few times.

In 2022 and beyond, we may need to rely increasingly on noticing synchronicities, and trusting our sudden moments of clarity about inner and outer conditions. In areas of wildfire danger or floods, ignoring a sudden urge to pack up the family and go could cost our lives. The trick will be to try always, always, to act from love, not fear. To follow the path of life, not try to escape death.

On a completely different topic, my very limited garden yielded two treasures this weekend. I don't have much basil, but I was able to pick some before the plants bolt. I made what ended up being about a half-cup of pesto, and it was delicious! And my few flowers are all red and orange, and for over a month, I have watched for hummingbirds to no avail -- up until now! Yesterday, a magical green, shimmering bird found some nectar. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

The Words of the Goddess 3: Right Brain

OK, so actually, the phrase "Right Brain" does not appear on my list of Goddess words, written fifteen years ago or so. But as I was looking at the list, I was reminded of the extraordinary 1998 book by Leonard Shlain, The Alphabet versus The Goddess. He was a surgeon, now deceased, who became fascinated by the different functions/qualities of the left and right sides of the brain. The book undertakes an exploration of just about all of Western history and culture, making the case that each time right brain qualities (feminine, visual, spontaneous, feeling, intuitive, holistic) have emerged in society, left brain qualities (masculine, written, linear, time-dependent, logical, dualistic and conflict-driven) have quickly come to the fore and reduced the power of women and respect for women. In effect, he says than the minute we began to write and read, the right brain's gifts were devalued; each successive step forward in literacy, printing and the dissemination of books has further bolstered patriarchy and diminished the Goddess. 

Sometimes, as a woman, you feel so adrift in a black hole of values and institutions you don't understand, that you cannot imagine any men even being able to understand "where you are coming from". And yet that was the joy of reading this book, knowing that it had been written by a man. My copy of the book is probably 75% underlined and highlighted. Almost every sentence helped me to understand not only the world around me and its history, but my own struggle to survive. There is no way I can possibly summarize all of the material he covers (chapters range from "Males:Death/Females:Life" to "Adam/Eve" to "Mystic/Scholastic" to "Page/Screen"). I highly recommend the book, if you can find it. It ends on a fairly optimistic note, hoping that the rise of visual imagery/computer technology will bring increased balance to the world. It would be interesting to know if he would be at all discouraged, as many of us are, by the most recent backlashes and extreme imbalances. If nothing else, they seem to support his premise.

So, many of the words I will present in upcoming essays fall loosely into the category of "right brain". But my own left brain is alive and well, as illustrated by the fact that I write a blog rather than paint paintings or sing songs (for the moment at least!). In presenting "Words of the Goddess", I'm not as interested in the words themselves as in the concepts and feelings, but I wrote them in the ultimate left brain manner: a list. I honor this paradox. Both sides of the brain, both sides of the hemispheric divide, are necessary for wholeness. In presenting my list, I'm just trying to re-member the qualities our society keeps forgetting. 

More Beauty

I said something yesterday about having wanted "beauty to be my workplace". I don't know where that phrase came from, but it got me thinking. Most of my workplaces over the years have been American 50's-70's era structures/re-builds, from the "old" Time and Life Building in Rockefeller Center, to restaurants, retail and public schools, a community college, and a state office building in a former car dealership. Putting aside the work itself, most of these settings were square, low-ceilinged, and rather soulless. For someone of my sensibilities, resonating on an inner model of a soaring gothic cathedral, these structures were not a match. There was a stretch of several years where I tried to make up for lost time by painting in oils and teaching art workshops, thereby, I hoped, creating a more beautiful "workplace" at home. Yet that was a complete failure...I didn't own any of the places I lived, and found the advertising and financial end of selling my own artwork to be impossible. Energetically, my relationship with our system was still completely off-kilter, and I wasn't finding alignment with that core inner spaciousness and mysticism. Oddly enough, this past winter, living alone near Lake Superior, on an incredibly "fixed" income, and writing this blog every few days, has brought me closer to a beautiful life and workspace than anything since I left England in 1981. It may be more of a case of filling my days with less that is not beautiful (!)

Looking out at world headlines, I feel so powerless and find it so very perplexing. Why have cultures, religions and civilizations wanted to focus on "power over", violence and conflict, not on love and beauty? Why, in the midst of untold environmental challenges and threats of war, are we fixating on futuristic artificial intelligence and metaverse technologies? I suppose for some people, these constructs are beautiful in their own way. Beauty is so subjective. Or perhaps many leaders just have no interest in beauty. That's the challenge...to trust yourself enough to allow yourself to love what you love and find beautiful what you find beautiful, not to be dissuaded when no one else around you is on the same page. I bought a small silver and moonstone pendant yesterday, to wear all the time. If, in the months ahead, I feel I'm losing all track of who I am and what I find beautiful, I can simply touch it and be reminded.

The Words of the Goddess 2: Beauty

Today, I feel completely not up to the task of exploring "beauty", yet I think that is why it seems necessary to plow ahead. The news of the world is so distressing and potentially distressing, and there is a little "Greek chorus" within me saying, how can you possibly think beauty is important on a day like today? For that matter, from the world's standpoint, when is it ever important?

Interestingly enough, on the list of "Words of the Goddess" that I compiled many years ago, "beauty" was around the twentieth. In other words, it wasn't near the top of my list. It didn't come to me immediately. And yet now, I think it is almost on a par with Love. If I were the Goddess, it might be co-equal. Once again, dictionary definitions are absolutely no help whatsoever. Phrases such as "pleasing to the eye" don't begin to capture the essence of beauty. There must be as many standards of beauty as there are people on the planet, although my current hunch is that there are many people for whom beauty is invisible or genuinely unimportant.

So why do I think beauty would be honored in a construct that also honored the divine feminine? Am I falling into a trap...beauty is important to me, and my life seems to have been singularly off the patriarchal radar screen, so therefore by default, it must be important to the Goddess? That's possible. Truly, I don't know what to say, because this is such uncharted territory. I've been mulling over my experiences in the Old Paradigm/church (almost exclusively the Episcopal Church and Church of England). In baptism, confirmation, catechisms, Bible readings, sermons...how often were we in the congregation invited to create works of beauty? How often did we hear the words "beauty" or "beautiful"? In my experience, in discussions of religion, almost never. There were admonitions against sinning, and for honoring God, His laws, His traditions. Various people were considered blessed: those who were pure in heart, those who were poor and sick (and those who helped them), those who were persecuted for God's sake. Unique and powerful expressions of beauty were borne out of the Anglican tradition, of course, from the cathedrals and all their artwork, the choral tradition and musical compositions, and the extraordinary poetic beauty of the original Book of Common Prayer. In the church of my childhood, this tradition was, to a certain extent, "worshipped" in its own right. But that made it even more devastating to be a girl who, in the early 1960's, knew that she wanted to work in that milieu and that she never would or could. Beauty would never be my "workplace". So many artistic people have been similarly deprived, so discouraged early on that they couldn't catch up later in life even when norms started to change.

This is a subject that there is no way to cover in one post. I feel like a fool for trying. All I can say is that I believe that all forms of beauty -- so-called natural, and so-called human-made (in theory there is no schism here) -- are "divine", in whatever sense you want to take that. Integrity-filled efforts to create beautiful works of art, or to work with rather than against natural beauty, are far more valid than our culture acknowledges. Looking back, I didn't understand how crucial beauty (and expressing beauty) was to my well-being. I suppose it was a combination of factors, both personal and cultural; living apart from my preferred kinds of beauty has left me only half alive. Perhaps our world's focus on almost everything but beauty has left all of us half alive. 

Love and beauty are my litmus tests. Now I gauge the alignment of everything I experience to love and beauty. The only things that seem real are things that are loving, lovely and beautiful. That's all I can say today. 

Here One Minute...

When you have basically anticipated an era for decades, and have a contemplative/observer/figure-it-out kind of bent (not to mention my unfortunate family heritage!), it can be a little too easy to keep some of the emotions of the time at bay. But for the last few days, I've often been either in tears or on the verge of tears because the suddenness of events has cut to the quick. 

The story of the four young siblings floating away in Kentucky's floods was just beyond heart-wrenching. Trying to get into the shoes of the adults minding the children was just as distressing as imagining being a child swept into a river. (The philosophy that there is really no such thing as "death" isn't helpful at certain moments...) And much as I "get" owning next-to-nothing, trying to imagine owning a home one minute, and watching it (and all the contents) succumb to a flood or fire the next minute, is, again, nearly impossible. These brave people have much to teach us right now. None of us can assume that it will not happen to us.

And sudden change filtered down to day-to-day life here in the north country. An extraordinary woman who helped untold people in the community was "here" Saturday (and I happened to see her long enough for a quick wave hello and "keep cool!"), but had left this earth plane by Sunday. Then late Sunday, I was on a video call online, when a huge thunderstorm came up, and I had to quickly exit and deal with closing windows, etc. So it's not just about loss, it's about that "here one minute, gone the next"-type of energy shift. It breaks through one's emotional reserves, one's ability to plan, and (perhaps a good thing) one's tendency to "assume".

There's a silver lining, of course, which is that things can suddenly shift in a good or surprising direction. I felt teary with happiness, seeing a video clip of Joni Mitchell singing "Both Sides Now", five years after a stroke or aneurism left her unable to sing. It was inspiring, but also so wonderful that she chose that, of all songs. I didn't understand back in the '60s how much wisdom I was soaking in from the lyrics of the time. That era's message of peace, love and balance may help some of us keep going in the shaky present, over fifty years on.