Last week, I plucked up my courage and put together a submission of my book to a literary agent. Within a little over an hour, I had received a rejection note. Now, this was my first effort of this kind, and I didn't necessarily expect first-time success or even moderate interest. But what felt like a kick in the stomach was the immediacy of the turnaround. I'm a "girl" of the pre-internet era, clearly, a "My Brilliant Career" writer of sending things off hard copy and waiting weeks to hear back.
Fortunately, I quickly realized that this had triggered a really powerfully painful response, and why. There has been a recurring theme in my life, arguably since birth, of me showing up raring to go and being rejected without, so to speak, "an audition." Of course, the older I get and the more I write and act from the heart, the more painful rejection becomes. I spent the weekend in a state of shock; but I've survived it; I wrote some more of my book this morning and am writing here as well. As I say, the fact of rejection is less painful than the knee-jerk timing of it. The kindest thing would have been for the agent to wait several days to give a potential author at least the sense that their work has been fully considered, but, ahem, our system is far from kind, the issue I have had with it my whole life.
I didn't watch the U.S. Open this weekend, but of course I was intrigued by the surprising win of the young Canadian player. I heard an interview with her this morning, and she indicated that she had been practicing creative visualization since she was a kid (yes, about a decade!) -- and that she had frequently pictured winning this tournament. Wow, what a sea change for girls born in the c.2000 era compared with those of us from the '50's. It's amazing that such empowerment was encouraged so early in her, when many of us of my generation experienced the exact opposite. I've been practicing visualization for decades too, but earlier negative messages too often seem to negate the progress I make.
Nevertheless, I persist. The courage of these younger women helps to keep me going.
