This is a paradoxical time, that's for sure.
I guess it's a good thing that virtually my whole life has been lived in that "place", yet it doesn't necessarily make it easier. At least once a day recently, often ten or twelve times, I experience heartbreak, whether it is processing the news footage of war, or violence in our streets, or melting polar ice, or the lives of people I know. Sadness and grief are more vivid than they have ever been, whether it is because there is more of it around, or the fact that I have unpacked some of the padding around my heart. I'm crying more than ever. I find it hard to distract myself, and even when I try (by watching TV, say), trailers for Hollywood movies or upcoming TV shows feed me more explosions and shootings and violence. The books I used to turn to aren't as satisfying, and yet I don't know what I actively want to do, volunteer for, or accomplish. I know I cannot be part of a dying paradigm, but it's hard to find a role in a paradigm that doesn't exist yet. I have been trying for years!
And yet in the midst of all the trauma, I've had unprecedented moments of joy. Literally, for no good reason, sitting with a happy smile on my face. I finally know who I am, and I love her unconditionally. I've nearly released all that baggage around worrying about how I am perceived. And I am beginning to experience the satisfaction of knowing that some of my theories about things seem to be playing out. I've written before about my belief that we are entering a time when conflict simply will no longer work (most recently back on November 20, 2021, "My Perspective"), and some news items seem to be supporting that belief. It is so satisfying after all these years to enter a time when I can say, "Maybe I was right." Yet being right, for its own sake, is no good unless eventually it helps the world in some way...and it is still an example of duality thinking.
We will all have to grow new muscles, a new ability to operate in a place of more alignment with Love, just as what we see outside ourselves seems to become less loving. Our instinct to fight evil is a learned behavior; we can gently let it go now. I'm finding that the more I let go of feeling at odds with the world, and the more I feel aligned with myself and with the Goddess, I simply can tolerate less and less conflict in any arena. At the very least, conflict and fear sure aren't working for me. As they become less effective in all areas of our culture -- health care (fighting disease), economy (profit vs. loss), politics (left vs. right), sports and entertainment, interpersonal relations, the legal system, religious constructs, you name it -- people may become confused, frustrated, even terrified. It may tempt a lot of people to become more violent, not less so. The landscape we look out on may become hard to understand from a left brain, "logical" standpoint. That will be the moment when the only things that will "work" are Love, Trust, Beauty. Joy. People may think we're crazy, but we aren't. We're living the paradox of this transitional time, and day-by-day paving the way to the new paradigm.
