Yes. Somewhere in the last few months, I arrived home. No, not necessarily physically (although clearly returning to upstate New York has been the right thing), but spiritually. I have finally arrived at a complete understanding and acceptance of my Goddess perspective on everything, and how it has been at the core of just about my whole life. This perspective is my "home", in the way that other people's religions are their homes, although I don't see it as a religion per se (with creeds, rituals, and holy books). I guess the best I can do is to say that the Goddess is my spiritual focus, my way of seeing, my truth, the core of my being. I see only through the lens of the Divine Feminine.
Could I have said this ten years ago, when I started this blog? Not yet. I still needed more time to make a sense of my passion for English church music, and England itself. Taking part in that tradition directed some of my spiritual energy to the beliefs and rituals I was brought up in (and have probably experienced for many lifetimes). It was an inherent duality within me, my primary reason for not committing sooner and more whole-heartedly to the Goddess. Mind you, I would still go back to England in a heartbeat -- not to sing choral evensong or make my mark in that world, but in a bigger role of representing Her there, if that is what I should feel called to do.
A few days ago, I heard a great expression -- "AFGO" (Another F* Growth Opportunity)! All of us have unique growth opportunities/challenges over the courses of our lives. My contemporaries who have been married for long stretches (or all) of their adulthoods, and/or had children and grandchildren, and/or had only one or two jobs or careers or homes, have experienced growth opportunities that I never did. Staying single, being called to move all over the map, I've kept adjusting and growing in a unique way, one that kept forcing me to learn that I wasn't going to find my true home outside of myself. I wasn't going to find my true home in the outer world's expectations. It took literally a lifetime, but I finally found my truth within. (And these extraordinary times seem like some kind of a bizarre final exam!)
If this blog serves as a record of how one random American woman reached her enlightenment, a measure of her mystic potential, then I will be happy. In fact, it has occurred to me that I could stop here, at one thousand. However, it is hard to see how I could do that. Writing is my breathing, my life. If we ever lose power permanently, I'll be scribbling daily in every notebook or legal pad that I can get my hands on. Writing is my personal thread through the forest to the future, the little path of light directing me forward within the Goddess to that "place" of all-Love. So I suspect that there will be a thousand-and-one-th post! I hold my dear readers in a warm embrace on this special day.
