Well, here we are. We have made it beyond my 70th birthday, and the February 20 date that loomed so large on the astrological horizon. Saturn was conjunct Neptune at 0 degrees Aries....which I really don't understand, except that it was apparently the first time this has happened in 6,000 years. Saturn refers to boundaries, structures, containers, limitations (etc.) while Neptune is, in a way, the opposite -- eternity, expansiveness, the mystic, the deep. And all this at an important beginning point or portal. For months I had taken note of this date, and read and listened to a number of analyses of what it all might mean, trying to find a balance between reading too much into it and not enough. And also trying to notice whether this might affect all of us more on a personal level, or whether this "new start" and new point of balance would also have meaning out in the world.
As ever, I'll leave most of the analysis of world events to the zillions of other people engaged in such analysis. And I know astrologers were warning against assuming that major changes would happen in one's individual life overnight -- that this is like an ignition point. But I need to report that I feel a major shift in me literally over the last two to three days. As you know, it comes on the heels of a number of weeks of renewed "lightening of my physical load" of belongings (as few as they are). And then, a feeling of having entered a strange void where many of my old activities felt boring or unengaging. As of last week, I still felt fairly clear about the passions closest to my heart, and I could feel the general Love energy clearly right there at "dead center". I was proud of finally having fully embraced them, and allowed myself (within myself) to be fully who I am.
Yet yesterday was a very unnerving day, and it felt as if even those few certainties were swimming away behind me, like the wake behind a speedboat. This wasn't like how earlier in my life, I tried to stop liking certain things or being a certain kind of person. I kept trying to find a Plan B. It is more a case of, having fully accepted all the facets of who I have been (in this lifetime and, I'm sure, many, many, before it), I have hopped onto a speedboat (hmm...representing Saturn?) carrying it all with me, and am racing through Neptune's waters at the warp speed of these times, and gone through some kind of sound barrier into -- literally -- uncharted waters. The world that we see in front of us had already started to feel like "history", but today, I see the boat's wake receding into the distance.
This is an imperfect metaphor. I doubt the Goddess would set foot in a "motorboat" under any circumstances. But I have to use the imagery that comes to mind, this woman who has so often lived near big waters. This morning, unlike coastal Mid-Atlantic and New England areas, we in the Capital District were spared most of the snow. Many of you may have a lot of basics on your mind. But if by any chance, you, too, are feeling abnormally "surreal", I guess I wanted to reach out and say, I am too. Here we are. Uncharted waters.
