I had promised readers a story with no conflict, but I need to ask for a rain check. My bigger promise is to record the path of a modern female mystic, so on this New Moon there is something more timely and more significant to report.
Several of the astrologers and channelers I listen to online have been saying, in effect, "this is the time to lay down that thing you have been fighting for your whole life." February, March and April of 2026 is such a brand new beginning that we cannot carry old baggage forward. Even without this outside feedback, as you know, I have been more fully consolidating and weeding out my few belongings, metaphorically carrying them onto a motor boat which is now speeding down the lake into the future.
And yet...
As you also know, I had not completely released my history with, and passion for, the English cathedral music tradition. In fact, it is only recently that I have fully embraced how much those harmonies have meant to me, and grieved the emptiness of a lifetime largely separated from that world. Somehow -- surely -- I am responsible to bridge the gap between these choral evensong services and the Goddess, for the very reason that I have never found anyone else in that same "intersection". Surely, that has to be at least part of my role going forward. Since this year started, I have thrown a few relevant "Hail Mary" passes, trying to find new ways of embodying this bridging energy, and trying to find the right people to engage with. Nothing has hit the mark.
Yesterday, something happened that I guess you could say is much bigger than me. It wasn't something I specifically did, or intended, or said, or ideated. And I don't think it was directly catalyzed by talks I have heard. It's like, there was this "thud", and something dropped into the water behind me, into the wake of the boat. It wasn't the exquisite beauty of Tallis or Byrd or Howells or Stanford...these are etched on my heart forever, part of my permanent energy transmission. But I think it was the burden of the responsibility to do something about it. I think it was the burden of fighting to make something happen for myself and for all women. I think it might also have been the burden of carrying too small of a notion of what my life is going to be about going forward.
More than anything, I think it was the burden of struggle. This has been a lifetime of struggle on all fronts, from trying to break into an all-male choral tradition, to the struggle to find a workable Plan B, to the struggle to find community and acceptance, to -- eventually -- the struggle simply to survive. I've blathered on about post-duality and unity and "all-Love", but my own life has had conflict and struggle at its core! Damn, damn, damn. I won't apologize, because until now I couldn't see it in that light, but it's certainly mortifying.
And yet, that reality may well be over. I am pretty sure the burden of that struggle has just dropped into the wake, and floated into the past.
One thing about being out on the water -- when the sun is out, you see the sparkle dancing on the surface. All I know today (literally, all I know today!) is that the energy of sparkle will help me see where I am going...where we are all going. If it doesn't sparkle, it may be too heavy with history, conflict, misery, and responsibility to carry forward into this new age. It may literally be a burden. And if we don't actively lay it down, it may simply jump out of our boat of its own accord!
