This is my nine hundredth post, coming toward the end of my ninth year of writing. I have to laugh -- I remember early on talking about transition, and about having been in transition almost constantly, and here I am such a long time later -- in transition. I don't like the word "deadline", but I am promising myself that by the end of this long weekend, I will have some idea of how to proceed (perhaps I will call it a "lifeline"!) I don't miss the city of Duluth itself. I do miss my friends, and the relative ease of travel by city bus. As tired of that mode of travel as I am, I realize that travel by city bus around the Capital District area would be far harder -- and (of course) in any part of small-town America, you must own or have access to a car. I've had a few wake-up calls in terms of not quickly and easily finding evidence of a "tribe" -- it doesn't look like the Goddess is big here after all. (An interesting thing is that it seems to be becoming a phenomenon in the U.K., and in the U.S., Portland, OR may be the place to be). Sure, if a windfall came my way, England would still be my goal (these days, more because of the Goddess than English church music), but I'm so dizzy from years of moving around that even that mightn't happen without an enormous amount of help. So I am praying for some timely guidance, what the Quakers call "clearness". I feel potentially more powerful here in the east, and potentially more visible, and somewhat more rooted to the land. And through some miracle, I'm still alive. So there's much to be grateful for, and to think about.
Of course, in the midst of it all, the world. Many years ago, I sensed that around now we would begin the transition to the New Paradigm. At the dawn of 2020, I wrote that this would be a decade of clarity, of "20-20 vision". But even I could not have anticipated how much COVID would change all our lives within months. Four years later, there is so much happening that is extremely shocking (I haven't spoken much of the war in the Middle East, in part because I simply cannot find the words). And there is greater and greater momentum of environmental change. The only consolation may be that these events are brilliant teachers. What has been hidden is being revealed. We are being forced to learn hard lessons, and to start letting go of assumptions. The fate of one little Aquarian mystic actually may not mean much in the bigger picture, although I keep writing because I continue to have the relative luxury of doing so, which many women around the world do not.
In the end, my path has never really been about finding a "nice" place to live. While to some extent, I always assumed that I'd be happier in the UK, it wasn't about "nice" and "happy" and "happily ever after". It was -- and still is -- about feeling a divine calling, something I was already sensing as a child. It has been about reaching higher levels of beauty and spiritual understanding, a greater ability to contribute to society using my best gifts, and helping us all move beyond the torture of duality. In ways, as unsettled as my life has been, I think the Goddess has sent me on the perfect journey to achieve much of this! Being loved and in community with people I love would be ideal, although I've changed so much, my old contacts aren't as close a fit as they once were.
What I would love this weekend would be for the Goddess to surprise me (!) I still have a hunch that there is something happening here that I cannot see, and once I see it, I'll know. May that be so! Send me, Great Mother, in the direction of love, and in the direction of the greatest service to you.
