One lesson of this liminal time became clear to me yesterday. I have managed to find four or five Goddess-themed or metaphysical stores around the region. Old-fashioned me, I'd thought that perhaps I'd find that they had traditional bulletin boards, and that I might find little thumbtacked posts along the lines of, "Goddess-friendly house looking for housemate, reasonable rent". Well, of course, most of this is done online these days. Because I have not taken naturally to that aspect of our modern world, I have perhaps sabotaged myself, although going into these stores in person served an important purpose: I've met people in person. So far, I can't say that I've met any women who I can imagine sharing a space with. Even taking into account that I have such a unique life and educational background, and that I recognize that I'll never find a complete overlap, it's been somewhat of an eye-opener. I've been craving enough community in this area of my life that perhaps I created a not-easily-fulfilled vision. In fact, almost each woman I met said, "Hey, that kind of housing sounds like a good idea!" If I were in a different situation, perhaps I would be the one buying a house then looking for roommates!
So, exactly one month since my first full day "out east", and I am still betwixt-and-between. My own self-imposed deadlines/lifelines have come and gone, and while I'm clearer and clearer about who I am, where on earth (much less the Capital District) I might actually fit in remains a mystery. I start each day, asking the Goddess where she wants me, and the clearest leadings I get are the dreaded "no's" -- cynics would surely say that by now, I should have realized that my whole belief system is a recipe for failure in the "real world". I do get that; res ipsa loquitur! My life speaks exactly to that! But I stubbornly refuse to die or disappear, at least, not yet. (That has been my motto for decades now!)
But I may have to accept that there could be completely different kind of living situation or place calling me. That love and commonality in some other form may be coming down the road, and that I need to stay open, curious, and soft-hearted. And this applies to looking at so many of the heartbreaking issues facing our world. As horrific as they are, there is an important lesson within them for all of us, if we can remain in a place of eagerness to learn and grow.
