Yesterday, even as I wrote about wanting as a child to be a "saint," I worried that this might seem kind of preposterous. I mean, that's a label usually attached to someone long after they are gone. Yet the model I was influenced by was not that of utter perfection and formal saintliness, but rather the one illustrated in the childhood hymn, "I sing a song of the saints of God," which I still love. The message of it is basically that saints are everywhere -- at school, at sea, in trains, shops and at tea (yes, the author was English!) I personally believe that the vast majority of humans are saints or angels. Most of us are doing our best to do the right thing, and we intervene in surprising and sometimes magical ways to help others, at times without even knowing it. I cannot count the number of angelic humans who have been in my life! And most of our less angelic moments have to do with fear, not active "evil." The relatively small percentage of people utterly lacking in a connection to the Divine wreak disproportionate havoc on our world, but it always makes me sad when people say the world is evil, or getting worse over time. I don't believe it is. In fact, I think it's getting better. It's just that some people can't keep up...
Anyway, the issue for all of us is to figure out our best role or vehicle for doing good in the world. There are more and more potential roles all the time as the world becomes more complex. It's just figuring out which one is right for you, and doing the thing you are really good at, not as a vacation from your real job, but as your job. I realized last night that at most every turning point in my life, I instinctively went on "retreat" -- but then left the retreat to find a "real job," very few of which lasted. Finally, I am realizing that the work I do on retreat is my real job. The thinking, learning, praying, and new understandings that come to me -- then writing these things down -- is my real job. Trying to figure out how the Universe works and what life is all about is my real job. Making connections between things is my real job. Those piles of journals reflect years of hard, valid work. It's not for most people, but a small percentage of women and men through history have played this role in society (and in some cultures they are formally honored and "housed," as in Julian's day) so I guess what I was trying to say yesterday is, it's a relief just to accept my personal song and start to sing it.
Phew. Now it's time for a cup of tea.
