Because I never had children, the topic of school bullying isn't one I've really considered. But the other day, I heard a reference to "teasing" in the context of shaming and bullying, and I could feel shivers go down my spine.
Yes, I have been at the receiving end of a lot of teasing and shaming in my life. By the age of about six, I had become an extremely serious, anxious child with thick glasses (that in itself is enough isn't it?) I was pushed ahead in school, at times ending up effectively two grades ahead of my age, and good at every academic and arts subject until I voluntarily decided not to "like" science and math, which I had originally excelled in as well. I attended all-girls' schools in grades seven through twelve (complete with somber uniforms), and then an all-women's college for my BA. It was the "hippie era," but I didn't party, do drugs, or swear. I was an American girl with a passion for an obscure English form of music; when in England, I was too American. My journey has been more spiritual than material and I own next to nothing...well, you get it. Lots of great material. And, of course, no one was better at teasing me than me; often, to get ahead of the curve and blunt the hurt of being teased, I've made fun of myself. Throughout the nineties and early 2000's, I called my hard-earned MMus in historical musicology (early Christian chant) my "cosmic joke." Wandering around the US trying to find work with this particular degree from a prominent English university sure felt like that, but I disrespected myself before anyone else had a chance to, and well before I was not hired. The two were, of course, inextricably linked.
So this past weekend, among other things, I tried to make some headway with actually feeling the feelings of a lifetime of being teased...but also simply to understand what happened. Because something dawned on me; at the core, what people were teasing me about (and I was making fun of in myself) were my essential qualities -- who I am, what I look like, what I am best at, what I have achieved, what I love, my intuition, my ability to speak my truth, and my efforts to live in alignment to my inner guidance. I was being teased/shamed because of what wonderful parents of today's young girls call my "superpowers," and then sometimes teased some more for not having enough of a sense of humor to join in the laughter. In the old days, it was easier to tease people down to size, keep everyone safely in a neutral middle zone. Maybe we're slowly moving out of that era.
Even today, there may be as many young people teased for being "too good" at things as for being "not good enough." (The added factors of race, gender, religion, etc. may have to wait for another blog.) What if children and adults simply understood that we are all exactly who we are meant to be? Teasing isn't fun, and doesn't help anyone to thrive. Let's be as kind as we can to ourselves and others today.
