This week involved yet another post-injury "gate," but I'm not quite sure what to call it.
OK, so as I have probably mentioned, the psychological fallout from this fall has almost equalled the physical fallout. The first few weeks, I was almost unbearably anxious about just going out and walking even a few blocks, into shops, or up or down stairs. Some of this was because I was so beautifully bunged up, but most of it was that everything loomed large and scary. Before walking outside, I would pray to every god or goddess there is that I would get home safely. "Please let me walk safely. Please let me navigate that stair or uneven sidewalk," etc. Asking for help from above is obviously traditional in these situations, but I think it added to my feeling of helplessness...it started to reinforce the idea that my safety was genuinely out of my hands. I think it started to make me feel more childlike than I really wanted to feel right now.
So the last few days, I have tried to make declarations: "I declare that I am safe today." "I declare that I am up to the task of getting back safely," etc. I tried to take it a little beyond new age "affirmations." I mean, who, historically, have made declarations? CEO's, kings, queens, magicians, governments. People in power, really. I guess I just wanted to feel what it felt like to have the power to state what I wanted and expect it to take place. I don't know that the outcome of recent days has been different (although I am experiencing some progress with my wrist and hand) but I do like feeling more empowered. That's a good name, the Gate of Empowerment.
