Forty-one years ago (Lordy, how ancient one must have to be to say that!), I was in the final few months of working toward my Masters of Music in historical musicology at Royal Holloway College/University of London. The college was in Surrey, less than a mile from the entrance to Windsor Great Park. Early on in my year there, I bought a used bicycle, and would frequently cycle around the verdant park. One day, I pulled over to let a rather elegant black car motor slowly by me, only to realize with astonishment that the driver was Queen Elizabeth! When I returned to college, my friends said that, indeed, she liked to take drives around the park when she was at Windsor Castle. One afternoon in the spring of 1981, our choir (one of the few mixed male and female college chapel choirs in the country at the time, and frankly the reason I had chosen Holloway) sang choral evensong at St. George's Chapel, Windsor. Unfortunately, the Queen was not in residence that day, but oh, what a magnificent chapel it is to sing in!
I had one other close-ish encounter with the Queen that year. Some friends and I went to a polo match that Prince Charles was playing in, and at halftime, when attendees are invited onto the field to stomp the divots back into place, I found myself close enough to the Royal Box to clearly see Queen Elizabeth and the other royals. I am embarrassed to say that the person I really wanted to see was "Lady Di", who we were all so curious about; a few weeks later, I joined the throngs experiencing the fireworks in London the night before Charles and Diana's wedding, but watched the wedding itself on television with college friends the following morning, toasting with champagne, of course!
That whole academic year, I knew one thing for certain. England was where I belonged, and I would have a whole lifetime of these kinds of experiences ahead of me. I didn't know how it would happen, but I knew it would, so I was completely relaxed about it. Through the summer months, I kept my focus on my degree work, finishing my transcription and thesis (typed on a typewriter!) However, after my oral examination in September, the year was suddenly over. Friends drove me to Heathrow and saw me into the airport, at which point I started crying and never stopped the whole flight back to the U.S. Even today, I am convinced I left half of myself over there, and despite numerous return trips, making England my home has remained painfully out of reach. There are a host of reasons for this, some good, some, in hindsight, ridiculous; I don't think one day has gone by since 1981 that I haven't been seriously homesick, sometimes wretchedly so. This is not a case of "typical" American anglophilia. It is something so deep that even I do not understand it. And at 66, it's less "boo hoo, I'm not where I want to be", but more a sense of having work left to do in this lifetime that has something to do with England. I pray every day for the clarity to know what that is, and how and when to proceed.
Anyway, last Thursday morning, when I watched the pared-down Royal Family walk out onto the balcony, I was fine for about five minutes, then burst into tears and had to turn the television off. It was like, bless them all, may it go well, but I cannot bear being an ocean away any better now than ten, twenty, or thirty years ago.
Still, once I pulled myself together, I started to feel a great deal of Jubilee gratitude. I am thankful for those experiences so long ago, that I had them at all (and some memorable ones in my subsequent visits!). I am thankful for the Queen's astonishingly long service to Great Britain and the world. The notion of royalty is controversial these days, and I totally get that. Yet as a woman, I cannot help but wonder if there is any other context which would nourish such an outpouring of adulation for a woman. Multitudes cheered in the streets of London this past weekend, not to mention across that country and around the world. It was an expression of genuine love and admiration. Just to know what that kind of love looks like, sounds like, and feels like, is a priceless gift!
