Since the decision came down on Friday (you know what decision I mean), I have been a wreck, and have been praying to the Goddess that I speak with wisdom in this blog.
In this lifetime, I never became pregnant, so the abortion issue was never personal. To be honest, I found it morally troubling (yes, up to a point I really "get" some of the objections of the other side), and because my particular journey had other dreams and challenges and it has been all I could do to stay alive, housed, and reasonably safe, I didn't expect that this long-anticipated announcement would really touch a chord.
I was wrong. It was an almost literal kick in the stomach. Since Friday, I have been angry, depressed, numb, in pain, in tears, then back again. Because even though there are countless women who have fought Roe v. Wade, in the end, it feels like the male paradigm/patriarchy/left brain construct pulling the strings, bringing all of us women back under control. In all of recorded human history, women have only had one recent millisecond of rights in only certain parts of the world, and yet clearly even those rights (including making our own ethical and moral choices) are potentially in peril. If we have to fight so hard to take part in a paradigm that keeps pushing us back, perhaps that paradigm's values are essentially just too contrary to ours.
There is a whole lot more I could say on this subject, but I'm too drained. Friday provided an almost heartbreaking related paradox, though. After I wrote that day's blog post, I went out on a few errands. (I don't have a smart phone, so I hadn't heard about the Supreme Court's decision.) I was sitting on a bench waiting for a bus when a queue of about twelve teacher-accompanied two-year olds holding a rope walked by. A little boy in the center looked over at me and started calling, "Mama! Mama!" He reached out his arms toward me, and called again. I didn't quite know what to do, so I waved at him and said hi. One of the teachers apologized to me, saying that at this age, kids seem to think that all women are their mamas. I told her please, don't apologize. I never had children, so it sounded good to be called "Mama". As they walked away, of course, tears were rolling down my cheeks, knowing that this might be the first and last time in this lifetime that I would hear that word addressed to me. And when I got back to where I am staying, I saw the special news report on television.
