And so I keep on keeping on, as a friend of mine always says. Thankful not to be in Florida. And holding in the light the thousands upon thousands of Floridians who have an extremely hard road ahead the next few weeks. But as usual, I feel even more sadness for Nature, whose oceans have gained untold quantities of oil, toxic chemicals, building supplies, old cars, toys, boats, and, as ever, plastics. We surely must soon go over some kind of tipping point, where all of us start to think about our toll on the environment before we buy or build or expand...
In preparation for some changes or a move that will probably happen in the next few months, I'm going through that process yet again of organizing my things/paring down/consolidating. It's hard to imagine anyone in the world who has done this as often as I have (although I'm sure I'm not completely alone...) And it gets harder as I get older, when even carrying grocery bags is exhausting. I used to not want to own more than I could fit in my car; now I don't have a car, and cannot carry much at all. At the same time, I am not ready to get rid of those heavy, heavy, heavy books and journals, which are literally a mirror of me. There's such a fine line between downsizing and throwing yourself away, and at times I have come too close to the latter. I still have some boxes back east, and there is something of "me" in them, so I cannot let go of them yet. Being more aware of who I am and having a greater sense of my validity than ever, I'm finding this consolidation process harder, more emotional. I want to own as little as possible and still "own" myself. And I need to "own" that I would dearly love a simple, beautiful permanent home in the place of my choosing, even though the low income of a wandering mystic has always made that seem like an impossible dream. I keep reminding myself that right now, even some of the most successful people are losing homes for a variety of environmental and other reasons. We are all on an edge.
During the height of the pandemic, I thought I had lost a number of earrings. I held onto their partners in a little plastic bag in case they showed up, and three of them did! Going through things with a fine tooth comb once in a while has its benefits!
Fall has come on suddenly, although strangely without quite the normal colors that you usually see in this part of the world. We've had a number of cold nights, but the trees remain generally green. Hmmm...
The rebirth of this moment is full of paradox. I'm energized and a little bored, but exhausted. I'm carrying America and England, and the past and the future, and wanting to lead but have no idea who wants my presence, much less my leadership. My blog is like breathing, absolutely necessary, and as I near 700 posts, I know that some of my richest gifts to the world are in here. Yet some days, I have no readers at all! Some days, I wonder why I keep on keeping on, but so far, I do!
