This is the fourth day since the death of Queen Elizabeth II, and I am still in a state of genuine shock. Certainly, I have never been quite so bowled over by the deaths of other people -- family or friends.
I've tried to pinpoint what I am feeling, because it isn't quite the same sadness I've seen in a few clips on TV news, the sadness of the people on the street in Britain. As English as I feel, the fact is that most of my life has been spent outside her orbit. I spoke on June 8 about my two near-encounters with her in 1980-81; my only childhood memories are of my mother, scolding my brothers for their bad manners at the dinner table by saying, "What if Queen Elizabeth came to dinner?" Their response? "Why would she ever come to Schenectady?" Why indeed?! Mom was also born the same year as the Queen, and looked a little like her. So there are a few emotions rising of missing my own mother and grandmothers.
What I am mourning the most is the passing of the one human woman who, over the course of my entire life, was loved, beloved, respected, and supported by millions of people all over the world. Putting aside the politics or validity of "empire", the fact is that she cared about people, about her role of service, and her duties, almost literally until the last day of her life. Very few women in our current paradigm have had access to such a visible role, and while most of us probably deserve to be equally loved, beloved and respected, we aren't, especially in the larger population. Scanning the world scene, I don't see any other women (or, for that matter, men) whom hundreds of thousands of people would line the streets for in silent respect.
Adding to the grief is the fact that I have never felt this exiled, so far from home. It's not an issue of mileage...being in Maine or Massachusetts wouldn't help. I guess that's all I will say about that for today! My "ear worms" of the last few days have been "God Save the Queen" and C. Hubert H. Parry's "I was Glad" (complete with "Vivats") -- both of which I guess are no longer appropriate. But it's like my inner chorister self has needed to express my gratitude and emotions musically, and that is my soundtrack.
With all the transitions taking place in our world, it makes sense that this one would take place now. That's all I can say today, on the fourth day.
