Curiosity

In my last piece, I spoke of the facets of my life that are flying out behind me into the past, in the wake of my little boat. It's interesting. I came "this close" in that post to falling back into old-fashioned duality; "Such-and-such was in my life in the past, but now it's over", kind of thing. I avoided that by making my way to a "place" of a bit more nuance, saying I don't want to feel as limited as I have in the past. I don't want to make as many assumptions. Over the last two days, hearing the word "curiosity" out in the world led me to yet another perspective on this picture...

What if, in looking at the concepts bobbing about in the wake of my boat, I was even more expansive? What if I worked with these things just a bit longer, by expressing curiosity? "I'm curious!! What would it be like if...?" My list was long, so I won't present all of the factors, but here are a few to illustrate what I mean:

• I'm curious. What would it be like to be fearless? What would the world look like if it were conflict-free?
• I'm curious. What are my expectations for myself at 70?
• I'm curious. What kind of life would best suit me now, after so many changes?
• I'm curious. What would it be like to feel worthwhile? What would it be like to feel respected and honored?
• I'm curious. What would it be like to use my old paradigm education on behalf of the Goddess? Same with my musical talent, and writing and art skills. What is the bridge to using them more powerfully in the new paradigm?
• I'm curious. What would it be like never to hold back my joy?
• I'm curious. What would it be like to meet a soulmate, or a big warm community?
• I'm curious. What would it be like to be completely openminded about my next home, to be led there only by love (not past expectations or money limitations)?
• I'm curious. What would it be like to sing from a place of joy, no matter what the song or setting?

And perhaps most importantly, I am curious about my core self. How can I better embody the Goddess? What kind of leadership role will I play? How can I help harmonize the world?

Asking these kinds of open-ended questions feels much better! I mean, this whole exercise has been outrageously powerful, but was (and may still be for weeks to come) "a process", not a destination. I'll probably be journaling on most of the points listed above. 

As sometimes happens, I seem to be reading the perfect book to accompany me during this process: Susan Vreeland's The Forest Lover, about Canadian artist Emily Carr. (I thought I had read this book years ago, but evidently it was another account of her life.) After early artistic efforts to create a visual record of the totems and way of life of native peoples, she studies in Paris, then goes through a long stretch where inspiration eludes her and art supplies are not available, during World War One. This comes to an end at the Armistice, with the death of her beloved dog, and her realization that she has "truer things to do". I seem to be doing a lot of crying recently, and that phrase set me off again. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I have "truer things to do."