First of all, may I say what a cool day this is? My 1,111th post! I mean, I am not a numerologist, per se, but when I see a succession of ones (such as on a digital clock), I always think it's just a little special, perhaps a sign of new beginnings. And that's what I am alluding to today...
My most recent metaphor about my journey, as you know, is that I'm on a motorboat (perhaps a 1950's era wooden one) racing down a lake, and that the various things I no longer need in my life are flying with the wind into the boat's wake, into the past. This last year -- with my return to the east coast, arrival at 70 years old, the astrological changes we are all going through, and the world and national situation -- has seemed like a distinct turning point, one that can only be navigated "light". I have kept adding to the list of things flying out into my boat's wake, and as I sat outside yesterday listening to the calls of dozens of starlings, an image came to me of my boat from above, which I've drawn into a sketchbook. A bird's eye view, so to speak. Rather than try to figure out how to share the sketch itself, just imagine...
...the shape of a boat from above, with the lake or river's shoreline on each side. In front of the boat, the water is calm and blue, but behind it, the waves and whitecaps fan out, delineating the boat's progress. Scattered in the choppy wake are all the various things that I have let go of recently, really tried to let go of, under the assumption that from this point forward, they will be of much less, if not "no", use to me. Here is a list of them, in no particular order of importance:
- Fears
- Conflict
- Looking outward for solutions
- Expectations for a 70-year old American woman
- Duality
- Old housing solutions
- Living as the Old Paradigm sees me
- Needing to fit into someone else's construct
- Assuming that my life needs to be limited by lack of money
- Considering myself pathetic
- Considering myself worthless
- Expectations of society, friends, family
- Expectations because of my excellent education
- Old constructs of community
- Needing "success" as a musician, writer or artist
- Holding myself back
- Dampening my own joy
- Assuming that I will always essentially be alone
- Assuming that I will always be single
- Assuming that "home" can only be England
- If it is not England, assuming that "home" can only be somewhere I have lived before
- Assuming that the only music I love and am willing to sing is English church music
