Well, I hadn't intended to write again this weekend, but in the interests of chronicling the process of being a modern American woman mystic, I need to report on something that happened in the middle of the night last night. I mean, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I was rather anxiety-ridden for a number of reasons. Yet suddenly, harkening back to my post (and picture) about the parts of my life falling into the wake of my boat, something hit me. Not only are most of these departing things simply "limitations". A case could be made that I've grown way beyond them, become literally too big for them. Heck, perhaps I was beyond some of them in 1956! All along, I haven't been able to fit into the small boxes. I couldn't fit into the small career boxes, or still-small expectations of and roles for women, or the rigidities of most of our constructs. I couldn't fit into the box of using money, not love, as human currency. And now, having been through the process I have been through, I know I couldn't go back to aspiring only to sing in a particular choir, or even to live anywhere (England or elsewhere) simply for the sake of being in a beautiful place. Between my own inner expansion and the process that our whole world is going through right now, I am just simply "too big" for who I was even a year ago (and this is hard to say, being somewhat overweight!)
What happened next is that I spent a good hour or more feeling complete and utter joy. Expansive joy. Perhaps it was bliss! I mean, I'm not completely sure how to describe it. I was smiling ear-to-ear, and felt like my head was literally in the clouds. For that hour, all my anxiety about where I belong (or what I should or should not do next) completely disappeared...perhaps in part because more fully understanding this reality about myself brought peace. Of course so many aspects of our world have been uninteresting, irrelevant, like trying to understand a foreign language. I may not be a "5D" person yet, but I've been energetically on such a different wavelength from the culture at large that it has been constantly grating. As we enter the Aquarian Age, perhaps just enough of the global energy has shifted that hours (not just minutes) of bliss are possible. And online, I'm hearing and seeing other people walk through processes that I recognize. It is clear that we are in a new era, and if I felt alone before, at least I know now that I am not. (I'm still not sure I feel it yet!)
So many metaphors, so little time...boxes, boats, what will I think of next? I guess I'll just leave it at that for now...
