Today has been "something else." There is a staple item that I only seem to be able to find at a certain big box store. I have gotten getting out there by city bus, and in and out of the store in time for the next return bus, into a science. And all was well today until that second bus trip, which ended up being one of the most uncomfortable half-hours of my life. I understand enough about the law of attraction not to enumerate all the issues that made it so hard; I am safe and healthy, nothing violent happened, and in the end, we all got off the bus in one piece. I am grateful. But man-oh-man.
Sometimes I look back on the "good old days" when I didn't take responsibility for every last thing that happened to me. I probably would have called up a friend and complained mightily about this adventure, describing it in great, even humorous or ironic, detail. Occasional complaining used to be oddly satisfying. But this is 2017, and I know that in effect I chose every aspect of the experience so that I would become clearer on exactly what kinds of situations I wish to take part in; I want to be surrounded by beauty. I want to be surrounded by music. I want to surround myself with people talking about beautiful and meaningful things, and I want more control over my own immediate environment. In the end, I cannot change the people or institutions around me. The only person whose energy output I have any control over is my own. Every day is a new canvas, and I am the painter. In fact, maybe it will help when I am meditating to think of myself in front of a blank canvas, mentally preparing to place the first brushstroke. Or to think of myself as a conductor, about to lift her arms to bring in the choir. And if I want a beautiful output that day, I had better remind myself to do only the things that have a high "beauty" potential.
What a trip, indeed!
