Grace

I'm getting ready for a trip late in the week to the UK, where I'll be singing a week of cathedral choral evensongs. I am happy, nervous, calm, excited. I am trying not to overthink the experience, even though I see this as a "bookend" of sorts after a lifetime of passion for the Church of England's unique service and musical tradition. All my life in the U.S., people have asked me why I don't like to sing other music. They have said this kind of music isn't a job (although for many in the UK and a handful in the US, it is). I have been at the receiving end of blank stares and confusion, perhaps mirroring my own. I never made sense of why Divine Love would have plonked me down in America under the circumstances, although just in the last year I've come up with a theory: perhaps being American helped me be just a bit more pioneering and persistent back in the all-male day.

Yet something has shifted just enough so that I don't believe I will count down the days miserably to my flight back to the US, as I have often done, even as recently as last year. This time, I am trying to emphasize to myself (and if necessary, to others) the "portal" aspect of the week. It is a doorway to something richer, better and more mature, wherever I eventually land. And it was in that spirit that I discovered the perfect, perfect quote, which I have taped to my journal. It is from Rob Brezsny's "Free Will Astrology" for this week (Aquarius): "A source of tough and tender inspiration seems to be losing some of its signature potency. It has served you well. It has given you many gifts, some difficult and some full of grace. But now I think you will benefit from transforming your relationship with its influence. As you might imagine, this pivotal moment will be best navigated with a clean, fresh, open attitude..."

The grace of the situation is being old enough, if not to laugh at the strangeness of spending a lifetime far from one's passion, then at least to come to openhearted terms with the phenomenon. There is grace in having the good fortune to hop across the pond for ten days to be in my element. And then there is grace in reaching that moment in life where you can step above it all and wonder whether there was an even bigger purpose to all this. And being just a little excited about that possibility, at least for today.