As most of you know, this winter I metaphorically pulled my boat up on the beach, and have allowed old waves of pain to wash over me. It's been hard, my friendships and readership have plummeted, and I don't recommend it unless nothing else has worked, which was the case in my life. As a matter of fact, this re-birth appears like it may literally take about nine months, and in that context, yesterday was like the seven inning (seven month) stretch -- I had the opportunity to go to the beach in southern Maine. Evidently just about everyone in New England had made the same decision, as it was packed with sun worshippers after a long and hard winter. Yours truly can't take much direct sun, and acted like some old Victorian lady, covering every inch of skin and sitting under an umbrella (although before leaving, I did basically throw myself, clothes and all, into the cold, salty waves). Later, I sat mesmerized at another beach's rocky shoreline, watching waves break into white froth, the brilliant turquoise highlights in the dark blue water, and the meandering of a lobster boat. Mostly, I listened to the coming and going of the waves, and in my mind's eye saw my maternal grandmother Agnes dressed in a 30's era skirt and blouse, set up with all her oil painting supplies, painting an image of the seashore. I saw my mother as a little child, running down to the piers in Kennebunkport, quarter in hand, to buy a lobster from the lobstermen for her family's summer supper. There was comfort in connecting to mother earth and my mothers.
It wasn't until I was hours from the beach that I thought about how interesting it was that my big adventure of the winter was a day trip that literally manifested my metaphor!
The waves moving in and out, in and out, held healing. None of them broke over or swamped me. But I'm also aware that this anger thing seems to be putting me right on the cutting edge of the culture. Actress Tracee Ellis Ross recently gave a TED talk in which she encouraged women to "acknowledge your fury." TIME Magazine's April 23 issue had a story called "The Rising Political Power of Fed-Up Women." Although it was specifically focused on public school teaching, I think we are all waking up to our lifetimes of indignities. In different ways, and with our personal slants.
