There was something about Duluth back in the nineties, and there is something today as I hang upside down to dry, that continues to encourage this mystic to simply be herself.
Of course, back then, I was reluctant to call myself a mystic, and when I did, I did so self-deprecatingly, or half-jokingly ("I'm a wandering mystic, ha-ha.") And have I ever wandered, as most of you know. A friend forwarded me an article recently indicating that homelessness has been a factor for several noted mystics, and of course even anchoresses and nuns don't usually have homes in the usual sense. "Home" for committed mystics is less a physical place than a connection with the divine, however it is defined. Home is a feeling of unity with divine Love. Home is in our invisible and ever-changing relationship to All-that-is.
But most of society's definitions in this area are so colored by traditional notions of a transcendent God that I have to be a little skeptical. I don't think continual physical wandering or unsettledness or lack of groundedness is absolutely necessary to this calling. Yes, I am in such personal energetic disunity with our economic system that it is almost torture to engage with it, making "settling down" difficult. Yes, that makes me appear nonfunctional, and literally makes it a miracle that I am still alive. But rather than see an economy as the measuring stick for functionality, I'm starting to realize that "being myself" has always been my guide. "Being true to myself" is my home. And even more than that, "being true to the Divine Feminine" is my reason for being. From that standpoint, I suppose I have never wandered at all, and have been richer than I know.
What I think may be changing right now is my willingness to just simply call myself a mystic. As people recommend art activities and music activities, and as I become aware of local jobs and educational and living resources, I just need to remember that the truth of my reality is not "in" them, it is in me. For that matter, it is not "in" a cathedral or lake or landscape or person or institution or activity, even singing choral evensong. I am a mystic, first and foremost. That, along with my deep need for beauty, is the common thread running through everything I love and am good at. I'm ready to sign the word "mystic" on forms or applications. I'm ready to be a "resident mystic" in some setting that specifically needs me and my unique wisdom. I am ready to be a strong, rooted mystic, whether it is ultimately here or in England or elsewhere. It's time to accept my calling, embrace my calling, and see it as an asset and a form of power, not an embarrassment. I've come so close to doing it before, but backed away. I think finally now it will stick.
