Yesterday, I had one of those "aha" moments that was really almost closer to a "duh!" moment. I don't really like that expression, but it's perfect for when something hits home that possibly should have years ago, and you feel a bit stupid not to have gotten it sooner. And this isn't much different than some of the conclusions I've drawn in previous blogs, just from a new perspective.
When you are a musician, an artist, and a writer, you are always conscious of harmony. Different factors can be made to work together -- whether musical lines, varied colors, or a string of words -- to create a coherent and pleasing whole. In English church music, the decani and cantoris don't fight one another across the center aisle, they respond to each other or sing together. In a piece of sacred music by Gabrieli, the brass or choral choirs in the balconies don't fight one another, they echo or complement each other. Even atonal musical works have an inner harmony. Painters strive for exquisite balance and harmony even in modern, less figurative works. Writers, poets, dancers...creative people of all stripes seek harmony. It is our bread and butter.
It suddenly hit me that it's a simple truth that I just do not function in situations that are not beautiful or that lack harmony. If there is a "vs." or "anti-" or fighting or fearful or competitive energy in the vicinity, I all but shut down. This isn't necessarily good, and certainly isn't practical. Many creative people have found ways to incorporate inharmonious or discordant realities into their lives and still do their thing. I don't seem to be able to do that. I am tuned to beauty. Period. It's a relief to embrace this, not as justification but rather as understanding. It's like having perfect pitch (which I don't quite have, but close) -- you feel in the core of your being the minute you are out of harmony, and staying "out of tune" is just simply excruciating. For me, trying to function in or focus on systems or situations that are competitive/inharmonious/ugly is excruciating. My natural instinct is to get back into tune with what feels harmonious, but I have too often ignored my own instincts in an effort to fit in at least a little to the culture at large. Heck, that hasn't worked, has it? So harmony it is, at least for this weekend. Have a good one, everyone.
