There are times when there is simply too much to take in -- occurring on the world stage, the local stage, and within. What I have to do when this happens is, literally, retreat. I hate to think of it like that, but a physical retreat may be necessary, to a place or situation where I can be quiet, be myself, and continue to breathe.
A week ago, I inadvertently found myself at a concert where there was deafeningly loud rock music. It wasn't what I had expected, and I stayed as long as I could but I finally had to leave. I realize that in my whole life, I have almost never exposed my ears to such loud music, and it has taken this whole week to recover, physically and emotionally. It seemed to trigger some kind of trauma response which I don't quite understand.
Another new thing is that I have been gifted with some regular pre-read copies of the New York Times. There was an era when I couldn't live without the Times...heck, it was part of my job at Time Inc. to read it every morning, cover-to-cover. But for a number of years I haven't had it in my life, and I'm finding it, too, quite overwhelming. National news, international news, business, and even the arts and entertainment; the majority of articles are about conflict. I can barely wait to find the crossword puzzle and cut it out, to do later on.
And in the midst of all this, after a completely dry summer, northern Minnesota's September has been soaked with rain. While I welcome this opportunity to wash away some of the world's stresses, and I welcome the Goddess wisdom that it is bringing, it's a hard moment for wall-to-wall grey skies.
I talk a lot about love, and am such a novice at it. But there is one thing I do know as we head into this rather pivotal weekend: I cannot yet love with any genuineness (or even try to love) all the millions of people who seem to approach life differently than I do, and I don't think I will ever be able to "love"/understand conflict, war and violence. I cannot even try to love (or forgive) what I do not love, or closely embrace everything that goes against my grain...in my late sixties, I simply do not have the energy. I do have the energy not to hate. I do have the energy to genuinely love a few things and people in my present. And I do have the energy to appreciate all the things and people I have loved in the past, and to keep that energy of love as close as possible. When the world offers too much to take in, I need to "take in" only love.
(As a postscript to this, written ten minutes later: soon after finishing this post, I looked out the window to see a pileated woodpecker at work on the tree about five feet from the house. He/she made her signature call before flying off. May I just say, "I love" my recent bird sightings and connections?! Love, love, love. I take these experiences in, literally and gladly!)
