Two things are funny. One, that I've never in nine years used this exact title before. Two, the way that my brain filled in a fourth word, "Struggle", even though I'm too post-duality to be talking about that any more! But it is a measure of how often we hear the term "life and death struggle" in our world. There are far too many of them going on.
In recent weeks, I have read a book and, now, seen a movie about 30-somethings in a life and death struggle with cancer. And while I personally would be unlikely to look at cancer as something to "fight", and while thankfully it isn't a disease which shows up often in my family, still, these accounts were moving, sobering, and bittersweetly beautiful in their own ways. Most of all, they were a shocking reminder (along with international news) of how often people die well before they reach the age of 68. I was suddenly and unexpectedly swamped by gratitude that I have been privileged enough to live this long! I experienced a tiny bit of survivor guilt as well -- it doesn't seem fair that people (real or fictional) would die when they are just starting a family or career, and that I (with neither) am still here.
It helps to keep "life" and "death" in mind as I look at paths leading from this moment. What path would lead to the greatest measure of personal life/joy/love/beauty/harmony/fulfillment (even as the world seems intent on destruction)? What path or paths might lead to a complete personal spiritual shut down, physical limitation, or even bodily "death"? I may not believe that death is a real thing in the bigger picture, but I know that some paths aren't very spiritually efficient, and some lead immediately to another dimension or realm. As blind and stymied as I'm feeling right now, I am fiercely committed to staying alive (in this time, on this planet) as this important Transition unfolds. I need to keep speaking.
I can see a distant train track from the window, and a little while ago, as I was writing in my journal about all this, I saw a rare sight -- one train going one direction, and another passing it going the opposite direction. It seemed an apt metaphor, as in, which direction am I headed? Spiraling up, or back? Up and forward I hope, at least for now, yet in a manner that is grounded. I'm unbelievably thankful for the gift of life. Indeed, I feel more existential gratitude on this point than I ever remember feeling before. I gently choose "life", knowing that "death" is walking with all of us, but it doesn't have to be a constant struggle between the two. Just a subtle tipping in the "life" direction, a slightly clearer signal of intent.
