There's a moment in a journey when you just have to accept that you are simply not being given the advantage of a clear vision of your longterm destination. I mean, this has happened a number of times over the years, and yet usually I still had the "trying to get back to England" goal as my larger impetus. And as much as I would ideally like to be there, I'm only open to it now if I'm invited. Very WASP of me, I know! But this knocking down of doors to other people's hearts and other countries' hearts has proved futile. At my age, I just haven't got the energy to do it anymore. This is the moment when age becomes an asset. Either I will eventually magnetize an easy way over there, or I will not. Ultimately, the "home" I seek is within, that sacred place within, the cathedral within, the soaring hills within, the rich, flowing fountain of love within.
So, I cannot see very far down the road, and I can only perform one step, and that is to finally put in a change of address. While it doesn't commit me to where I am now "forever", or I suppose at all, it does remove one major consideration, which is going backward. I love Duluth, and all it has been for me on and off since 1990. But I have circled back around to where this lifetime started, and it's impossible to imagine the last phase of my life in the American midwest. I simply am not a midwesterner. I've continued to keep it as a remote possibility the last few weeks, but no longer. The shores of Lake Superior served me well. I am so grateful. I will miss my friends there, and try to stay in touch with them as best I can in these turbulent times.
Other than this, what do I know about the future? I am more convinced than ever that the energy of the Goddess is in the ascendant. It seems crazy, as each successive news item seems more nightmarish, painful and surreal, but it comes against a backdrop of knowing (and seeing evidence of) increasing numbers of people gaining spiritual wisdom and increasing numbers of women coming out of the shadows. Seeing what is happening in the world makes it all the more crucial that we women become more visible, more evolved, and more audible in our own ways. All the world's imbalances stem from a single source, in my mind, humanity having forgotten the Goddess and the divinity of the feminine. Those of us who can re-member Her, or whose ancient memories of Her are rising up, are literally sewing the pieces of Her back together for the world to see. What also heartens me is my belief that nothing happening in the world that is not "of love" will survive. The manifestations of "not love" are hideous and shocking, but will not be super long-lasting in the larger scheme of things.
Yes, it's frustrating, only taking one small step when you want to race to a destination. When after 35 tumultuous years, you wish to see a cozy permanent home directly in front of you and just get there already. To stop and breathe and be patient is hard. But that is my calling for this holiday period.
