On a very slushy, wet-snowy morning in upstate New York, I just need to add a postscript to my last post, where I talked about how hard it is, even for me, to relax and warm up to more Goddess-like situations.
Since I wrote that post five days ago, it has become clearer and clearer: if it is hard for me to "take" an environment characterized by warmth, welcome, acceptance, etc., how much harder must it be for people whose lives (and perhaps philosophies) are steeped in the opposite qualities, who default to conflict and anger and pushback. In the world as it has become, love has perhaps only been one option, and a scary one, even for those of us on board in theory. I mean the real, "love is the only thing that exists" kind of love. Our hearts have so many walls up to keep out the hurt of non-love.
A sort of parallel thought came to me over the weekend as well...a "what if?" Up until now, the things I really wanted out of life have seemed impossibly out of reach. Sometimes it has literally felt like I was hitting some solid existential wall. I'm thankful for the amazing journey I've had trying to connect with what I love, and thankful that I have survived so far, but it hasn't been an easy path, or one that brought longterm, fruitful alignment with my passions, or community. But it occurred to me, having so recently 100% committed to the notion of a Goddess -- "What if She passionately wants me to be fulfilled? What if She wants her daughters to live their best, most beautiful and powerful lives? What if things would be different with the Goddess than in the religious construct I was born into?" Yes, it is complicated for me by the fact that I am connected to that old construct through the service of choral evensong, but for the rest of this holiday season, I will focus on the joy of being a facet of a thoroughly loving Goddess, and on the (almost unbelievable) notion that She wants me to thrive. I'm not talking money, I'm talking, being powerfully me, in the place where it makes sense. For me (and perhaps many other women), may that kind of self-actualization be the new light that is dawning in the world.
