The Enormity of It

On this day before Thanksgiving, most Americans are doing their travel outwardly, and as ever, mine is inward. And as ever after a big "aha" kind of day, I've had several hard ones. I think what swamped over me was the sheer amount of love I have within me for England and English church music, fires and fires of passion constantly pushed back from without or self-pruned from within. And then when you add in my belief in my own spiritual vantage point, what I now think of as Goddess spirituality, and how afraid I have been of letting that beacon shine, well, the enormity of it all as it emerges into the bright light is quite overwhelming. 

But today I am also so very thankful. Inexplicably, I am still alive, with friends and strangers having been patient enough to facilitate a path through the underbrush...as completely unsettled as it has been, I am finally genuinely, 100% thankful that my journey was a woman's experiment, that I didn't have a husband, children, normal career, or a home, to pour my energies into. (I dearly want a home, but not the construct we have created in this old paradigm.) Nearly 70 years of energy has gone solely into finding my own core truths, and starting to live from them. Perhaps without my knowing it, these years were also preparation for the time of expanded Love that we are entering. Navigating this time will require almost superhuman alignment with Love values, and growth at a fast and spontaneous pace.

There's one other enormity, isn't there? Millions upon millions of women in the world whose true gifts still remain hidden. If I have a wish on this Thanksgiving eve, it is that all of us find the truth of what we love, and who we are, quite independently of the swirling, constantly distracting culture around us.

And today, just for the heck of it, I am going to call myself the "English Goddess". There.

The Strife Being O'er

Today is one of those days where I am racing to get this post out like it's my last day on earth. I sometimes seem to need to let topics percolate, as you know...but not this one. Yesterday was an important milestone, one which I hope I will always remember.

I've been leading up to it, and what I am about to say won't come as much of a surprise to regular readers, or to my old friends. But what you write about, even what you talk about, can still be more head-focused, and not be reflected in your heart.

Yesterday, I had occasion to binge-watch a British television show that I like. Partway through the episodes, I realized something important. I was feeling none of the sadness, bittersweetness, anger, frustration, "homesickness", and discomfort that I have usually felt in the same situation. That sense of, "I belong over there but I cannot get there." That sense of, "Life has cheated me in this regard." I've carried this weight around since I was four, and I've gotten so used to it that at first, I didn't realize it was missing. But all of a sudden, I could feel that the chronic dissatisfaction had completely dropped away.

Is this because I've left that part of me behind? Quite the contrary. It seems to be because all this love and passion for the place was surging out of me -- and there was no more resistance. No voice saying no. No inner critic trying to correct my deepest truth. No inner shaming, or ridicule, or fact-checking. It's like, I have been "British" (and probably of that landscape since before Britain was even a construct) for dozens upon dozens of lifetimes, and it is home. I am a woman of that place, period. No matter our current events, no matter what my experience has been so far in this lifetime, no matter what anyone else might say or believe, no matter what our construct believes. I finally, finally "came home" utterly and completely, maybe similar to what some people experience in realizing the truth of their sexuality, or their gender, or their calling, or their core religious beliefs. I "came home" yesterday, at a moment when, housesitting an ocean away from home, I couldn't have been superficially further from that truth.

It was interesting, however. One aspect of this program sent my resistance way up the scale -- the success of a male figure, and the recognition he received. Obviously, I have much more work to do.

This isn't a case of needing to figure out an outward path in a specific direction, or making plans, or doing one thing other than writing about this here. It is more about laying down everything that isn't me, gently releasing the entire burden, and starting to understand what it feels like to love something and experience no resistance. No resistance whatsoever.  Even the title I have given to this essay (an allusion, of course, to the "great" Easter hymn) is too resistant for this new paradigm, but I couldn't help but use it. My personal lifelong battle, to be everything I am not in places that are not home, is o'er. And as we head into the winter solstice, may I sit quietly, get used to loving without resistance, and listen carefully to my inner wisdom.

A Needlepoint Quilt

Today's post is a patchwork, in more ways than one. This has been a uniquely rich, stressful, educational time, and it is hard to know where to begin. I'll have to limit myself to only three or four "patches" on today's quilt, starting with the dream that inspired the theme.

Actually, in true Liz fashion, I don't really remember much of the dream that I woke up from Monday morning. All I know is that I had made quite a colorful and impressive needlepoint tapestry, which from a distance looked rather like a quilt with bright squares. (I used to do needlepoint, and it may be my favorite form of needlework, although I haven't done it often recently.) There was a big thing in the dream about how I was supposed to get this piece to someone, but I couldn't do it until a man I didn't know provided part of the artwork, perhaps a frame? And here's where it was typical of my dreams, because I didn't know this man's phone number (or the number of the person who had ordered it), and on top of that, my phone wasn't working and all my efforts to find another one went nowhere. I woke up from the dream (as I often do from dreams) drained and frustrated. But I did remember the image, so I quickly grabbed some colored markers and got it down on paper, as you will see below (apologies for the blurriness. I have a feeling that the very quality of my phone's camera that leads to such amazing aura effects also makes close-up shots unclear.)

One more note is that I had to convince myself to share this image for what might seem by some to be a silly reason: as the child of narcissism, I looked at my name's initial in the center and said to myself, "I shouldn't be drawing so much attention to myself. I shouldn't be the center of anything." Clawing your way back from this kind of early life experience takes a lifetime -- I guess I've decided it's a pretty, cheering image, and that hopefully this outweighs all other considerations!

Hmm...let's see. What else. I am still dealing with the medical situation I have alluded to, which someday I do promise I'll unpack! (I know I sometimes move on and forget to follow through, but in this case, I hope that won't happen.) Some friends have been concerned, for which I am so grateful! In the end, this isn't so much a serious thing as it is a psychically hard thing, with interesting timing. So part of why I included these bright colors in my blog is to cheer myself up, as well as anyone else out there who needs cheering, for any reason.

It just occurred to me that this "quilt" actually represents the rich tapestry of wisdom I've been accessing online, particularly this week. In the midst of it all, one presenter (I forget who) asked people to ask themselves, "When did you stop singing?" Oh my, that cut me to the quick. I didn't stop singing entirely back in the early 1980's, but close to it. The inference was, if we stop singing (or, for some people, dancing or playing an instrument, or whatever), we are no longer fully alive. I cannot go back, but what I'm going to start today is to sing when I am on my walk...to the birds, to the wind, to the trees. To whoever will listen.

Leaves Falling like Snow

We had a really hard freeze last night, so when I went on my early morning walk, the leaves were falling from the trees like enormous snowflakes. It always amazes me how some flowers and trees survive those first few light frosts and freezes, but the moment comes -- a tipping point, perhaps. This seems to be a tipping point in so many ways, but one specific one is on my mind today.

The other day, I mentioned some of the people whose videos I am listening to online, and this morning I realized something important. It has taken me 69 years to find people whose work I believe in, even, in some cases, enthusiastically admire. I believed in the world of English cathedral music and wanted so much to be part of it, but I was prevented by being a woman -- and the situation was further complicated by the fact that I wasn't theologically on the same page. Even if I had ever made it into that field, my not really being Christian would have been a literal block to it being work I believed in. During the years when I tried to make a living as an artist, the problem was that, as good as I was at it, I wasn't completely passionate. I did believe in art and in the people who make a living making the world a more beautiful place, but it was not enough of a major personal enthusiasm to sustain a career.

And until recently, I wasn't aware of who was speaking for the Goddess/Great Mother/Divine Feminine in anything like the same way I have been trying to. Now, that has changed...so I realize that this is the first time in my life that I have seen models in front of me of work I believe in! Amazing. This is allowing me to more fully embrace my own life and work over the years, my not-always-successful effort to do things the way I thought they might be done in a more Goddess-centered paradigm. If I didn't understand it before, I finally grasp how crucial it is to believe in what you do.

So in the midst of that tipping point, I seem to have started to channel-write some material about one of my previous lifetimes. I mean, literally, I started this on Thursday. I'm hand-writing it and have no idea what this will lead to, whether something here in my blog or another outlet. Leaves are falling like snow.

Re-Weaving

Amid the sudden onset of winter (snow two days ago!), getting to the bottom of healing, government shutdowns, government re-openings, truths of all kinds breaking out, and astonishing Northern Lights (which I have, alas, yet to see in person) -- a pre-Thanksgiving expression of gratitude. Sometime this past spring, I discovered videos by Pam Gregory (astrologer), which led me to Heather Graham, Anne Tucker, Kelly Kolodney (The Angel Raphael), Lee Harris, Tim Whild, and many others. While each has a different lens on the world, they all seem to share the perspective that we are entering a time of intense spiritual awakening, and that anything functioning outside of the realm of Love will inevitably drop away. To discover that I am not alone in these thoughts is such a gift. It has been like experiencing Christmas for most of this challenging year of 2025.

Yes, I feel twinges of regret that I haven't made the choices that might have led me more to the center of the pack. Heck, my recent simple goal to upgrade my blog was at least temporarily stalled by medical and device challenges. Was that the Universe reminding me to stick to the basics? Or is that just an excuse?

At the moment, who knows? But one thing I do know and accept is that the path I signed up for in this lifetime is -- of course -- different from the paths of others. In an American woman, the unique intersection of English cathedral music and the Goddess was always going to be (um) challenging, and has yet to fully play out. On this cold November day, I feel more firmly ensconced in my niche than ever. These two major threads are re-weaving themselves together in a powerful way even as we speak.

Healing

Oddly enough, the word "healing" is not on my old list of Goddess words. In this lifetime, I have been fortunate enough -- most of the time -- not to need to focus on issues of illness and healing. I always found the Gospel stories, with their many healing miracles, rather curious. Strange. Illness hadn't been the main catalyst for my spiritual growth, although I know it can be for many, and I never quite resonated with those miracles.

Until now. I guess it stands to reason that at such an important crossroads for humanity, little old me would experience a medical challenge. It is something I had no choice but to pursue "traditional" modern treatment for, and willingly. And yet as that treatment seems to be working only partially or slowly, I fall back on what I learned thirty years ago when my mostly-no-health-insurance-mostly-no-health-care journey started -- our medical construct, like the majority of our institutions, is duality-based. It is based on fighting disease, thus, essentially, conflict and violence. True, most of us don't want to think of it that way, and when faced with a condition of any magnitude, we want to fight! We want to overcome illness and be well. If modern medicine can remove the problem, or the pain, or the discomfort, then "hell, yes!", right?

And yet I know now, as I did weeks ago and indeed decades ago, that the Goddess meant it when She told me She would never ask me to fight against (or for) anyone or anything. If everything is created by the Goddess, if everything is the Goddess, then there is no "enemy", no "disease", to speak of. Attempts to fight -- even in this context -- may only maintain or expand the "illness".

Even for me, this is still pretty mind-blowing...which may be why this particular challenge has come so late in my journey and also at the dawn of an all-Love Age of Aquarius. Because I am pretty sure most aspects of our duality-based science and medicine models will soon be turned on their heads. There is nothing to fight. There is contrast, yes. There are different colors, hues, and tints, yes. But nothing to fight.

Real healing, true healing, can only happen from this point forward in an environment of all-Love, complete self-acceptance, and complete acceptance of others. Yes, releasing old toxins, impurities, blockages, frustrations and anger is necessary, as they have been the roots of most illness. We need to bring our bodies forward with us as we awaken and unify. As Love floods the world, old pain will rise up and dissipate. At the moment, I am trying my best to walk this very path.

Perhaps some of you are also facing medical issues, or the frustration of only partial healing, and if so, hang in there. Try whenever possible to align with Love, with your true self, and with your most powerful link to the Divine. Listen for intuitive leadings. If you are like me, this may happen only in fits and starts. If you are like me, you may not yet be "ascended" enough to create an instantaneous healing event, much as many of us grasp that such things are possible. I've struggled the last few days with a sense of spiritual failure...I've been on such an intense spiritual journey all these years, why can't I heal faster? This is old talk, but it is rising up like other toxins to be dispersed into the ether. I am as good as I can be, and becoming more aligned with the Goddess every day. I am healing, and it is an ongoing process using old and new methods. 

I also wanted to report having recently seen a face filled with such love, acceptance, and good-humor that I was bowled over. While I think this was this person's natural state (and that it was not directed explicitly at me), the energy of it almost literally "branded" me. It's like, wow, finally! This is what Love looks like and feels like! On hard days, I need to remember it, and use it as a healing touchstone.

Goddess Words 52: Decisiveness

The ability to make a decision and follow through with it.

 I don't know whether it is about the particulars of my journey or being a woman in our macho culture. But "decisiveness" has been a really hard quality to embody, except on a handful of occasions, all of which have involved getting myself to England! But overall, my sense of being a person who gets to make my own decisions is, even today, quite wobbly. Women of my age grew up seeing few women in the public eye, which gave us the message that we would have little agency, even for things like property ownership, credit, and work. This seemed to "change on a dime" when I was about 15 (and the new message was, we women could do anything we wanted with our lives). But of course, what we didn't realize as teenagers is that the culture at large hadn't changed on a dime, and here we are, about 55 years later, and I still have never really, fully, accepted my own agency. And when you haven't got agency, it is hard to be decisive. 

Most of our lives have been further complicated by the need or desire to help others, or create families; I've been far more independent than most of my friends, and husband and children never entered the picture, but I also didn't believe in our system enough to thrive in it, making decisiveness and commitments requiring money (!) a challenge. So many of my friends have told me they still don't know what they would have wanted to do with their lives (and be decisive about), if they had been totally free. Decisiveness is a muscle, perhaps, and many of us just never had the opportunity to practice using it enough. As I approach 70, however, I realize that this is the moment for decisiveness and commitment way beyond the level I have yet achieved. To represent the Goddess (and Her Love) unwaveringly in a world that has lost its mind will require singlemindedness of the highest order.

The hardest part is watching as increasing numbers of people (and a large percentage of them women) are being stripped of all agency. Of every measure of freedom and income and health and shelter. I shouldn't be stunned by how energetically some people relish stripping others of their humanity, of their ability to make their own life decisions, but I am stunned, sick to my stomach, and furious. I realize that my own fears around decisiveness and commitment may stem from a lifetime of sensing this shadow looming over us, ready to pounce. It is actively hard not to fight back, but I can only use my power to create a love-filled future.

Is this why am I so committed to the Goddess, especially now? Yes, because Her paradigm may be the only one humanity hasn't seriously tried for untold generations. Because Her paradigm may be the only one that completely embraces the power of women and the importance of women. Twenty years ago, why did I add "decisiveness" to my Goddess list? Probably in the hopes that She might teach me to focus and act more decisively. At this stunning moment, I think She, herself, is being decisive --  Earth's people must now rise above fear, conflict and selfishness, period. I feel very emotional thinking about this. She knows that the only future for the Universe is Love, and She is committed. Now we must commit to Love as well. We must join her in our decisiveness, and only focus on Love. Only create using Love. I don't know why this is making me cry, but it is. Goddess bless us all.