The ability to make a decision and follow through with it.
I don't know whether it is about the particulars of my journey or being a woman in our macho culture. But "decisiveness" has been a really hard quality to embody, except on a handful of occasions, all of which have involved getting myself to England! But overall, my sense of being a person who gets to make my own decisions is, even today, quite wobbly. Women of my age grew up seeing few women in the public eye, which gave us the message that we would have little agency, even for things like property ownership, credit, and work. This seemed to "change on a dime" when I was about 15 (and the new message was, we women could do anything we wanted with our lives). But of course, what we didn't realize as teenagers is that the culture at large hadn't changed on a dime, and here we are, about 55 years later, and I still have never really, fully, accepted my own agency. And when you haven't got agency, it is hard to be decisive.
Most of our lives have been further complicated by the need or desire to help others, or create families; I've been far more independent than most of my friends, and husband and children never entered the picture, but I also didn't believe in our system enough to thrive in it, making decisiveness and commitments requiring money (!) a challenge. So many of my friends have told me they still don't know what they would have wanted to do with their lives (and be decisive about), if they had been totally free. Decisiveness is a muscle, perhaps, and many of us just never practiced using it enough. As I approach 70, however, I realize that this is the moment for decisiveness and commitment way beyond the level I have yet achieved. To represent the Goddess (and Her Love) unwaveringly in a world that has lost its mind will require singlemindedness of the highest order.
The hardest part is watching as increasing numbers of people (and a large percentage of them women) are being stripped of all agency. Of every measure of freedom and income and health and shelter. I shouldn't be stunned by how energetically some people relish stripping others of their humanity, of their ability to make their own life decisions, but I am stunned, sick to my stomach, and furious. I realize that my own fears around decisiveness and commitment may stem from a lifetime of sensing this shadow looming over us, ready to pounce. It is actively hard not to fight back, but I can only use my power to create a love-filled future.
Is this why am I so committed to the Goddess, especially now? Yes, because Her paradigm may be the only one humanity hasn't seriously tried for untold generations. Because Her paradigm may be the only one that completely embraces the power of women and the importance of women. Twenty years ago, why did I add "decisiveness" to my Goddess list? Probably in the hopes that She might teach me to focus and act more decisively. At this stunning moment, I think She, herself, is being decisive -- Earth's people must now rise above fear, conflict and selfishness, period. I feel very emotional thinking about this. She knows that the only future for the Universe is Love, and She is committed. Now we must commit to Love as well. We must join her in our decisiveness, and only focus on Love. Only create using Love. I don't know why this is making me cry, but it is. Goddess bless us all.
