Return

It is such a relief that there are others out there trying to articulate their world, our world, and to see the ways in which we all overlap. Martha Beck's Daily Inspiration for today spoke of "walking the labyrinth of life." That visual was especially good to read about today, because of all the overlapping circles and pathways that were engaged over the last two weeks. Perhaps the most subtly powerful was the fact that on Wednesday morning I took the number 441 bus from my hotel to Heathrow Terminal 5. This particular bus ultimately ends at Englefield Green, and is the very bus I took out to Royal Holloway back in September of 1980. That an almost identical red double-decker bus with (I believe) the same number is still running nearly 40 years later is oddly reassuring. 

My very much less mobile and comfortable feet and legs walked new paths but old territory (into and out of cathedral choir stalls). Nearly every mode of transportation known to man sped me on my way, from city buses to inter-city buses, to subways and private cars and airlines. I even had an unexpected, mystery return upgrade from cramped economy to the next level up, which has ruined me forever. The little sitting/sleeping pods were futuristic but exceptionally comfortable. I didn't sob uncontrollably all the way back like I did in 1981, or sit in my airplane seat numbly or grumpily anticipating my return to the US. I don't feel the despair that "I'll never sing English church music again." Yes, I'm already "homesick" but, you know, 61 gives you that blessed assurance that if you live to see even one more day, you never know what might happen. Let's face it: I sang the music I love again, there were women singing all around me and a woman conducting us. In my case, the story seems to begin when I sing!

It may take several weeks to fully sift through this time in England, and my current options. I have returned to an exceptionally unsettled situation both personally, and (as you know) nationally. Somehow, I know it's important in both cases to continue putting beauty and music and love out into the spaces around me. This isn't an instant replay of past returns to the States, it is its own unique iteration, part of a woven labyrinthine tapestry so complex and beautiful that I may never really get to appreciate it fully.