I don't know if I have permanently picked up the pace of my writing, or if it is just the result of the times we are in, but yes, I'm back again.
My last blog post (about how the Howells Coll Reg "Te Deum" is my touchstone for beauty) came and went rather quietly; most people may not realize exactly how revolutionary it was for me. It has literally changed my life to realize (and this was building gradually) how important beauty is for me (and, I suspect, for the world, although I cannot speak quite that universally!) It changed my life to realize that beauty has been my litmus test, which helps me see clearly what has and hasn't worked in my life, and why. And it changed my life to clearly identify myself as a "post-Christian feminist" when writing about English church music, and to begin to understand why they are not really completely at odds. The common denominator is that I am a heart-y human. I recognizes beauty, and my soul zings and sings when it sees, hears, or takes part in beauty of a certain type.
For years, I have seen how this is an energetic universe, that each person, place, and thing exudes a unique "energy" or wavelength. It's like colors on the spectrum. A person helping a friend exudes one wavelength, a person shooting at a stranger exudes another. A tree exudes one, a rock exudes another. A piece of plastic exudes one, a piece of moss another. When I was singing Anglican chant I exuded one energy, and when I was struggling to find a job, any job no matter how menial, I was exuding another. Because yes, we humans are complex and can send out multiple signals, or can have been exposed early on to one energy and aspire to another, and then get totally stuck in neutral. I am so thankful for the last year or so, with its opportunity to stand and face the waves of lower energy/pain/despair. It's like, I am gathering these memories and hurts in my arms and saying, dear ones, come with me. We've retired from being stuck in the dark. From this point forward, let's make it all about beauty, joy, passion, love. Let's make it about being in the light, in the sun. I'm going to start every day with Howells's "Te Deum" in my head or coming through speakers, and match as many experiences to that glorious energy touchstone as possible.
