Back on September 6, 2018, in my post "Genius", I spoke about the experience of having, quite by accident, encountered another person with a so-called "genius IQ" out in the world -- he was a retail clerk. Anyone reading this might wish to read that essay first.
I write today's post in the full appreciation that there are many forms of intelligence, and that the kind of left brain-logical-academic one measured by the traditional tests is (rightly so) no longer considered the only way to measure "smart". Indeed, I believe we are going through a transition that may either transform, or replace completely, the institutions that were a product primarily of that kind of intelligence. Having equally strong "right brain"/creative intelligence, I am personally looking forward to a more balanced world.
Having said that, the fact remains that I was gifted by God/Goddess/Universe/Source with superior reasoning/academic skills that have gone largely unused in this lifetime, which I find I am grieving right now. I discovered my IQ (when I was ten or twelve, it was 148) listening to my parents talking in the front seat of the car. I was already a grade or two ahead of my age, but apart from that, this aspect of who I was would never again be referred to by family, teachers, or anyone in a position to guide me into the future. When I arrived at Smith in 1973, there were relatively few women professors, although by 1977 there were considerably more. Still, I couldn't "see" myself in academia...my own grandmother had become a lawyer in 1915, but within five years, she had married and had to abandon her career. My parents were not academics, and there were none in my extended family. The area of my passion (English church music) was not open to women at all; I didn't want to study or teach it, I wanted to sing it.
If the truth be known, I pursued my master's degree at the University of London (in "historical musicology"/chant) mainly so I would have the experience singing in the chapel choir. If there were specific academic programs in English church music in England, I hadn't found them. In 1981, laden down with student loans that needed repayment, I returned to the U.S. to work them off. I was proud of my academic accomplishment, and dying to talk about my studies. But my mother's only comment was that the skirt I had bought in London made me look like a bag lady. My dad insisted on calling "Royal Holloway College" "Royal Hallowell". They were glad I had had a nice time, but what was I going to do next? Over the years, I got used to consistently dismissive, negative or teasingly critical feedback about my intelligence and education. I was a "pithy Smithy". How was all that education helping me get a job? Why didn't I leave my master's degree off my resume? Wouldn't it be a good idea if I downplayed my education/intelligence? Etc. Etc.
Of course it is true. I now understand that my resume screamed "this is not a team player. This is a leader". And yet not having found a milieu in which I wanted to lead, I floundered. Of course what happened then is that my resume screamed, "This is a woman who has not achieved her potential". In recent decades, my Lake Superior-sized intelligence has been funneled into truly inappropriate jobs, being super-organized at things like shopping lists and, Goddess be praised, this blog and my two articles about Herbert Howells. Yet it is still not enough. I have been bored so much of the time. I've tried so hard just to survive that my intellect got left behind.
Recently, two separate women on separate occasions have told me that they love hearing me speak and express myself, that they are inspired by my beautiful way of speaking and organizing my thoughts. I am so incredibly grateful for the positive feedback. Even though I know it is unlikely to become a global in-the-streets kind of movement, and even though boys and men clearly get left behind too, I particularly want to honor all those girls and women in the world whose intellectual gifts have not yet been adequately identified or supported. These women are everywhere. "You are beautiful. I love how smart you are. And the world needs you now, more than ever!"
