This has been a two- or three-day stretch unusually rich in learning and new understandings. My teachers have been world events, friends, and online courses, all showing up simultaneously. Winter hibernation seems to be drawing to a close, despite the north country's continued cold and snow squalls.
I alluded previously to the process I am going through, grappling with how to respond to recent international events, given my personal history of consistently trying to be helpful and present for my family. I'm still gnawing away at this, and it is presenting itself as almost literally a mathematical equation. Monster A commits Act X (egregious in its violence or physical and emotional damage to others). This leads directly to Person B (someone with a heart) feeling the need to jump into action, whether to help those who have been hurt, to fight the monster, or to do activities that might model "being human" to the monster. In other words, what is hitting me over the head is how "good" people in an equation may often end up reacting, not acting autonomously.
In addition to this, I've broken through a bit of my usual "observer cool" and experienced rage at the world leader who has been the catalyst to an unbearable level of destruction. It's actually been a good thing (rage in this situation is valid!) but quickly all the ties become tangled up and it's hard to know who I am really angry at: my own dad? the capitalist and communist systems? religious and secular traditions? "patriarchy" in general? I see that many people in Europe and even the US are dropping everything to go to the Ukrainian border to help refugees, and I can get very down on myself. What is wrong with me that I cannot feel that same enthusiastic generosity of spirit? Well, what is "wrong" is that I was severely hurt in the past, and need to be absolutely sure that any action I take is from a place of positive love and warmheartedness, not passive-aggressive anger. I need to be impeccable, honest, and courageous at my core, before I take action of any kind. It's possible that this has as much energetic power as handing out meals -- or it may not. But today, that's the situation within me.
I'm not entirely sure what the new equation will look like, when more and more Love-filled people act beautifully and autonomously out of their centers, and as the world's core energy lightens. There may always be monsters. Will they be forced into reactionary mode? Hey, perhaps that is what is happening now...Maybe we are already writing a different equation.
