Another week, in what may be the strangest, hardest year in all our lifetimes. If the astrologers are right, it will be an eventful week. This essay is definitely a "miscellany", but I've used that title too many times!
On Saturday, I stayed home. I simply had to because of my health situation, but I probably would have anyway because I just do not seem to have it in me to do anything "against" anything. But I honor the many millions who went out -- all of us made different agreements about our roles in this lifetime, and I believe everyone (bar none) is doing their best to play their role.
Part of my personal role is to be as honest as I can possibly be in these posts, and I have to confess to some rare envy surfacing. Some of the astrologers and other New Age people I am following online are so far ahead of me in terms of their ability to function as experts. They are being heard, in a word. After all these years, I still don't yet know what that would feel like, musically, or in terms of speech. And another little dose of envy surfaced...I had a meander around Schenectady's most historic district, with its charming 200-to-300-year-old houses. If I had had a more normal life and career, and had found my way back to the Capital District, it is where I would have wanted to live. Again, a smidgeon of envy tormented me. I mean, I know why I couldn't function in our economy, and I have come to accept that so many factors have, in effect, priced me out of such a life. And I know perfectly well that within a short time, "normal" life of any kind will probably be impossible. Still, I find myself longing for one year -- even one month -- of that world or something equivalent. It's a pointless exercise (I've lived the experience that I agreed to for this lifetime!) but, yup, I'm human. And its not fair to myself or to readers to pretend that I am untouched by the emotions and "failings" we may all hope to be moving beyond.
I am reminded this morning that no matter how unsettled and unconventional my journey has been, it has been more comfortable by far than that of millions of people around the globe. It is hard to express exactly what emotion is surfacing about that...it's almost like "words cannot express"...
Also, I'm feeling extraordinary sadness that we are all being so bombarded by hatred. I try to pivot as quickly as possible from sadness and even anger into the place of joy and unity that we are heading into, but it is hard. I am trying to remind myself that the intensity of this negativity is in part what will make people start choosing all-Love.
And as for "stamina", I still don't have enough stamina to continue my discussion of that word!
I received a precious gift the other day, a set of Goddess-centered oracle cards, and one of them illustrates "The Great Void" as a seated Goddess with the Universe in her belly. That is my card for this week. Another week. Another incredible week.
