I guess the best way to almost guarantee that few people will read your next blog post is to announce that you have uncovered another layer of anger! We'll see what happens...
So, thinking back on childhood, and the fact that I wasn't aware of nature, has been the source of a new stream of sadness and even rage. And this goes beyond the specifics of my particular family, really. The bigger question is, in American society at large, have youngsters ever been taught to respect Nature or to take a loving interest in animals, plants, insects and birds? The answer was probably "no" 70 years ago, and undoubtedly still is. I won't make any larger generalizations except to say that with our country's leadership role in the world, it is tragic beyond belief that we've encouraged a focus on human progress to the almost complete exclusion of the needs of Earth, our solar system, and beyond. Watching what we are doing (or plan to do) to Earth's waters, skies, the moon, and the planets -- yes, it makes me actively angry. I've stuffed a yearning for the Love of the Great Mother so far down in my system, and tumbled around so long in a loveless black hole of narcissism, that I've been numb, to this day. Feeling anger is at least a relief!
I mean, what haunts me is little girl me. Let's say my mom did let me loose in the back yard to crawl around on the grass. Putting aside her inability to take an active teaching role, and putting aside the fact that by this time, I was probably already nearsighted (I needed glasses by age 5) -- how is it humanly possible that my little eyes didn't notice the butterflies, or the lines of ants, or the texture of the different kinds of grasses? How, until very recently, did I have no curiosity about the natural world? Why did I feel so detached from it? Why did I seem to feel that it didn't matter, just as I didn't matter? Why did I spend a lifetime trying to engage almost exclusively with the entities that clearly did matter, and measure my worth in that context? The answers are self-evident. The paradigm in place dictated what should be valued, and little girls, butterflies, and Nature's importance/sovereignty, weren't valued per se. Sometimes when I become aware of my anger, I don't know whether it is on my account, or on behalf of the Goddess. Perhaps it is both.
In the last decade, I have uncovered so many mother lodes that, if I were a miner, I would be a millionaire by now. This work can seem never ending, and if I didn't firmly believe that we are in the midst of a huge energetic/Love ascension right now, I know I would succumb to complete despair. I'm so exhausted. So exhausted. But I do believe that we are experiencing ascension, and that within a short number of years, Life will be infused with such high levels of Light and Love that we cannot describe it in our current understanding or language. Nature Herself will be ascending at the same time that we do, so we cannot expect the natural world to stay as we remember it from childhood. But if we can uncover our childlike Love and wonder in the face of Nature, and focus on the feeling of respect and awe, She will be our companion as we all rise.
I'm going to go out later when it warms up a little (autumn weather has finally arrived!) and crawl on the grass, and just see what I see. Glasses on. I don't care who sees me. I'll describe the experience next time.
