Absolutely the worst word to use when you are trying to change your life around and become a more powerful person, is also one of the shortest in the English language.
But.
Many of us on a modern spiritual path have tried to train ourselves to see -- and more to the point, to feel -- the many things in life worth celebrating. The more we celebrate, the more there is to celebrate. As I mentioned in a previous post, making appreciative lists has helped me:
- "I appreciate the fact that I just picked up a temp job."
- "What a gorgeous, cloudless, sunny day it is today!"
- "I really have begun to believe that things are always working out for me."
- "It feels good to notice that my headache has gone away."
- "I appreciate the temp job, but I'll sure need a lot more income if I am to survive."
- "What a gorgeous day, but they say tomorrow will be really stormy."
- "Things are always working out for me, but I wish it were not at the last minute!"
- "My headache has gone away, but my mosquito bites are itching like crazy!"
My generation's Depression-era parents passed on subtle messages of uncertainty, even hopelessness. In their childhood, food on the table one day didn't mean food would be on the table the next day, and that kind of "check" on enthusiasm or certainty certainly characterized my formative years. We had a plate in the kitchen with a picture of a smiling Dutch child skating toward a huge hole in the ice -- the motto "Pride Goeth Before a Fall" circled the plate's rim. I was often cautioned against being "full of myself" and before long, that morphed into sensibility, then excessive caution and negativity. It was better to face the "fall" first, and not skate happily into it!
"Buts" were also an important, and academically valid, part of college essays, which thankfully I finally got the hang of. It is important to support your thesis with quotations by qualified experts, and also to present "the other side" -- opposing voices. This is crucial in journalism, too, if it is to be considered balanced. If you have a strong academic and journalistic background, it is almost second nature to find the "but" in any situation!
And for many of us, it was a triumph to be strong enough to face the "truth" of a given situation. It made us feel better to face the reality of life than to "pretend" things were better than they were. And sometimes checking positivity and enthusiasm was a way of being empathetic around friends whose lives weren't going well. It is hard to be effusive in that context, so a well placed "but" helps allay the guilt a little bit: "Wow, things are going great for me right now...but you know how that is, tomorrow may be the pits." It sometimes feels better to be at the level of people around you than to stand out as too happy, too "full of yourself."
This is an issue I'm sure I'll return to. But I remember hearing Abraham-Hicks saying, "do you want to face reality, or do you want to create reality?" Another friend of mine used to say, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I know that after years of facing reality and "being right," I want to create reality and be happy. And I know it is all somehow tied in to breaking my near addiction, in my personal expression, to the word "but." I guess for now, when I hear myself about to say it or thinking it in a way that starts the boulder rolling downhill, I'll just at least be kind to myself and give myself a gentle reminder that there is another way; smile sweetly and end the sentence early. I just need to get used to what that feels like!
