Yesterday, I had occasion to see with my own eyes the metaphor I wrote about several blogs ago. I was with a friend, having a picnic lunch by a rushing river and, yes, there were several green, slimy, slippery rocks in the middle. In my mind's eye, I saw myself holding on to one of them and then letting go, only to rush along down the center of this stream, still bumping into other rocks and in and out of calm shallows, but moving quickly and unimpeded.
So when you and your little boat are hurtling along in the center of a mighty river, and you know you may not be able to grab onto any more anchoring rocks for the near future, you may latch onto some smaller passing hint that might give you some information about who you are in this new incarnation, where you are headed, and how on earth you are meant to function with things moving so rapidly. Over the years, I have used Medicine Cards, or, more recently, Sacred Geometry Cards to give me a daily focus for my day, but at the moment I really have no idea what box they are in, in which basement. So I splurged the other day and bought Earth Magic Oracle Cards (by Steven D. Farmer, Hay House.) I liked the simplicity and beauty of the illustrations. And this morning, after just asking the question, "please, tell me what gift I am to bring the world moving forward," this answer came: Meadow/Vulnerability. In effect, do not fear letting people know who you really are. "Share your authentic self with the world."
This has been the journey of the last year, and continues to be easier said than done with a mix like mine. My veins are filled with "blue blood" and yet I have often been homeless and penniless. I am a visual artist and musician, but also a writer with a legal and ultra-well-educated mind. I am an American whose spiritual home is England. My preferred place in all the world is the choir stalls of an English cathedral, but I use oracle cards. I'm a mystic who wants to be grounded. I'm a feminist, but there's nothing I like more in the world than to cook dinner and take care of people.
I've spent most of my life trying to keep side A from seeing side B. I have spent most of my life trying to keep the people in side A from seeing my side B. I haven't functioned well exclusively on either side of any of these fences. I guess the message of that card today is, this entire muddle is me. And all of it is crouched in my little boat, hurtling along on the river until I reach the next safe haven. And you know what? All of these diverse facets of myself need to get to know one another, and get along. Because the powerful meeting place of these contrasts is my authentic self. It is my home.
