For years, I have half joked about, "when are they going to create Single Childless Women's Day?" Mother's Day, as much as I have tried not to make it so, has always left me feeling slightly wounded, inadequate and invisible. Perhaps it was a form of shame. How did I manage to get through life without becoming a mother? It doesn't matter why one isn't a mother (each of the reasons hold some "wobbly" feelings, don't they?), I can only speak for myself in saying that tomorrow is one of those days of the year when I'd like to walk around with a paper bag over my head. My own mom has been gone for years, and after briefly touching base with my dearest friends who are moms, I usually do, metaphorically, hide.
And yet, I also want to take this opportunity to celebrate myself, and all my childless friends. I know, know, know, that all of us are exceptional people. All of us -- yes, I firmly believe this -- have been "mothering" in alternative ways. We have taught. We have created art or writing or music or dance. We have at times taken care of sick ones, or young ones, or friends who need a friend. We have been there with and for others, often family or other women in need. We have gardened or healed the land (we absolutely care about the future of Earth!) We have fed people nutritious meals. We have shared our wisdom. We have often worked for free and some of us have left only a tiny footprint. We have struggled with our freedom and yet also loved it. And some of us have perhaps paradoxically found new ways to exemplify the Mother aspect of the Divine. We are a new paradigm. We are re-visioning women's roles. If indeed around half of American adult women are unmarried, that means a great many of us have no children -- we are becoming quite significant, actually. Not invisible after all.
But I'd also like to say that more than ever, I bow down before my friends who are mothers. They have done something exceptional. Intimidating. Something I could never have done, which may be why it didn't happen. I've been trying to write about their experience, but I cannot, of course. So I guess all I can say is that I honor the different set of sacrifices, second-guesses, limitations, even inadequacies involved as well as the joys, the pride, and the delights. I suspect that Mother's Day is no more the greeting card event for mothers than it is for non-mothers. It is human, and messy, and not one-sided. It's possible that the day needs expansion, to celebrate all the women (mothers, wives, sisters, teachers, aunts, friends, and single scouts on the cutting edge) who make this world the vibrant place it is today. Bouquets of flowers for all, please!
