I guess I have mentioned before that for a variety of reasons, my life right now really boils down to learning, from scratch, how to love and be loved. It truly is a case of starting from nursery school. And some of it involves "watching and learning."
For several years I have enjoyed the TV show, "The Voice." Early on in any given season, I enjoy the silly interplay between the coaches, the spontaneity of the blind auditions, and the element of surprise. As the season progresses and the contestants (and their performances) become more polished, it isn't as appealing to watch, for me, except for one variable: most (not all, but most) of them have what I suppose you could call a cheering squad, friends and/or family who cheer them on, and have believed in them their whole lives. I'm sure some of this is played up for the sake of the show, yet even in this exaggerated form, I watch this in wonder. Imagine having a cheering section all your life! Imagine people believing in you and wanting you to succeed to your highest level! Imagine speaking or singing and being met with spirited, consistent encouragement and love! As with several other recent posts, this isn't about self-pity, it truly is a matter of wonder. What would that be like, being loved and encouraged at every turn? I am trying to access the feeling sensation of this.
Last night after that program, I happened upon the PBS special where Julia Louis-Dreyfus was about to be presented with the Mark Twain Award for American Humor. Again, I found myself thinking, "Imagine that! An entire audience gathering to honor you." It just takes my breath away.
The odd thing is that I can imagine it, it's just that in reference to my life thus far with all its pushbacks, I have only experienced in conversations with a few women friends. But somewhere way down in me is a spiritual core that can "hear" the emcee saying: "We honor your survival of a most unusual childhood; your passion for English church music and desire to sing it; your passion for that country; your integrity to your values; your bravery in speaking out and willingness to experience chronic discomfort for the sake of paving new potentially rich life paths for women. Thank you for going out on so many limbs. We love you." At the moment, the only "people" I can see in the audience are the Goddess and a handful of my female friends. They are my cheering squad! And recently, I have been privileged to attend events in town where friends were singing, playing, or speaking, and I clapped and cheered as much as was seemly in these cold northern climes (!)
Women of all generations have had their voices silenced. One hundred years after achieving the right to vote, we still struggle to be heard or taken seriously. That's why I cheer especially loudly for the young women contestants on the show, for Louis-Dreyfus, and for all my friends when they speak or sing. I love their courage and I love them. I hope maybe in this regard I'm making progress.
For the next five days, I'll be on retreat and I do not plan to write. So expect me back next Monday or Tuesday. To my handful of readers, please know that, this Thanksgiving, I give thanks for you!
