Happy All Saints Day. Actually, I really don't distinguish between All Saints and All Souls, since in my view, the majority of people on this planet are souls doing their very best, which makes them "saints" or "angels" to me. The remaining people who don't seem to have any connection whatsoever to divine love, those who are monsters acting monstrously, aren't doing the best they can, and wouldn't know how to even if they tried. They are not held in my heart at this time of year, or ever. At this moment in my own healing process, I cannot forgive or love them; all I can do is acknowledge that they exist, and note with the deepest sadness their horrible tendency to turn on their fellow humans.
Yes, I am struggling with how to respond to everything that is happening. Moving beyond a duality model forces one to try to get beyond even notions of victimizer and victim; I celebrate the lives of the brave, beautiful people in Pittsburgh, and the countless others across the country and the world; that we are experiencing such a Niagara Falls of violence and terror is breaking my heart, and it isn't over. But I personally continue to search for a way of acting that is not a "reaction" to the choices made by monsters. There appears to be intense narcissism in their literally "calling the shots"; I don't want to be disempowered by constantly having to react to their lead. Yet to be completely non-referential to others' violent impulses is extremely difficult in a violent world. It's hard to carve out a new path in a duality construct without being seen to be doing nothing.
My blog has so few readers right now, literally a handful, and it has been so tempting just to call it a day, and hang up my proverbial pen. I kept thinking it would take off, and so far it hasn't. However, this week I "acted as if." I have needed some kind of contact card to hand to people, and when I made my order, I identified myself as "Mystic." Whoa. That's the only title that begins to cover all the facets of who I am, and my constant quest to make sense of everything. As I said to a friend, at this point I'd rather be a bad mystic than to continue not identifying myself as such. I can hear the guffaws of family and some friends, the "ho, ho, she'll never make a living as that!" Well, I've never made a living from anything I've done, and besides, I am not a business. I am who I am, that's all. It was somewhat humorous to imagine an anonymous typesetter somewhere going, "Mystic, what the heck is that?" I had this vision of every woman in the country ordering so-called business cards identifying themselves as: Goddess, Seer, Prophetess, Loving Eternal Soul, Artist, Healer, Anchoress, Planter, Gaia, Truth-teller, Singer, Wisdom Personified, Peacemaker, Poet, Lover-of-all-that-is, Yoga Master, you name it! I had this image of women blanketing the world with new notions of "career" and really owning those deep sides of ourselves that we've been afraid people would laugh at. I had this image of taking the focus back off the monsters and onto what will keep us alive in the long term, love.
That's it for today. That's all I can do. Yours in sainthood and soulhood, Liz
