So I plow ahead, following through with my vow (expressed regularly, but with more conviction in my last post!) to start revealing more and more of what my soul is saying, and perhaps has been saying all along. To explore how or if these revelations relate to a "Goddess" perspective on life.
An iceberg is an imperfect metaphor, implying, as it does, rigidity and danger. But that notion of, what small tip is showing above the surface, and what enormous mass is below, can still be compelling. In the case of individual humans, what qualities are clearly visible to onlookers, and what qualities lie beneath the surface, or perhaps go unused.
What picture have I presented to the world? What has been the visible tip of my iceberg? (I guess I can say all this without flinching, even if it might be hard to hear it from another person!) Serious. Overly intelligent and thoughtful. Arguably too sensitive, musical/artistic and spiritual. Hapless (unlucky and perhaps a little pathetic). Unable to stay put. Unable or unwilling to do hard work or work that I don't like. Unable to accept the world as it is. "Poor" and living on a shoestring. In the world's terms, unsuccessful. Little follow-through. Powerless. An excellent writer, but satisfied with having only a small handful of readers. No ability to self-promote. Holding a lot back. Courageous, but in a way that still has not really helped myself or the world. And through it all, trying to put a "nice" face to the world. Terrified of not being liked or accepted. Holding back on the momentum of thoughts which might cause pushback in others.
Phew. Well, there it is. The scared "little girl from Schenectady" as an adult in Duluth. The way that even I have continued to see myself, even after 67 years of life, seven of them writing this blog. And the worst of it is, I believe that overall, the construct-that-is is always pleased when such a woman reaches old age and kind of fades away into the sunset.
So, what is beneath the surface of the water? It really isn't a different person. It is "me" seen as a valid face of the divine feminine, and revealing myself and my thoughts fearlessly. The Goddess might say, "you are as I made you. Your intelligence and creativity make you capable of kinds of thinking that the world needs. Your seriousness has allowed you to move forward largely untainted by addiction, despair, or self-pity. You knew you had a calling, and you have done your best to adhere to it. You've recoiled from 'work' that is inappropriate to your talents or my values, yes, but in the current construct, it would have been nearly impossible to be more 'successful' with integrity. Your heart is far bigger than you think it is...which is part of why operating in earth's so-called reality has been so painful. You've tried to find people or situations that matched your emerging energy, thus the frequent moves. Your energy ('power') is not a match to the construct in place, but it is to the construct now emerging. Moving forward, you won't worry so much about being 'nice' -- one of the heavy loads carried by too many women. Your efforts will go to being lovingly powerful. Your efforts will flow more freely and have more impact. Your inner and outer beauty will be visible."
Whoa. I didn't expect to say that! I guess that is what you call channeling. Yikes, terrified and humbled.
And an image came to me as I wrote, an image of an "iceberg" with a warm, brilliant glow at its center, both above and below the water. What if the captain of the Titanic had seen the light of the iceberg from a distance, and had been able to avoid hitting it? I guess it's about, icebergs are a great metaphor, but in the new paradigm they will need heart. As many of us start revealing the full truth of our beings, we will thaw. We will become less rigid. And more and more people -- seeing the totality of who we are -- will be able to interpret "us" more lovingly and thankfully.
Well, this wasn't what I thought would come of today's writing, but I offer it up anyway. I will not follow my old model, and hit delete. Thank you, Goddess.
