The last few months, I went through some frustrating dead ends trying to reach people. This seemed to trigger some bleak old emotions; even slight pushback or delay feels huge to me, at times almost soul-destroying. I still have quite a trigger about not being wanted, having no home, and having no community, and of course when you go down such a road emotionally, it can send you to some pretty dark, reactionary places. I've been working with a healer on some of this, and in two specific instances, I somehow managed to persist, and there was suddenly a really good outcome. It was almost as if the timing had been wrong but then was right just out of the blue (I sometimes forget to "let go, and let the Goddess"). Or perhaps the Mercury retrograde of April and May was playing some trickster games!
People have commented on several occasions in my life that I am "persistent" -- sometimes, as in that notorious moment in the U.S. Senate, it isn't said complimentarily. But I think as women, we sometimes have no choice when we are trying to accomplish something. There may be no network, or no colleagues in the usual sense. We may not own the right technology or we may operate differently than the paradigm in place. We may literally get regular pushback. Losing heart (interesting metaphor!) isn't always a good option, so you just keep going. It can mean being a bit of a pest sometimes, but I try like anything not to be actively irritating!
Tomorrow, the smoky skies have cleared just enough for Duluth's annual marathon. I'm not a runner, and the hullabaloo will bring things to a halt. But it certainly takes incredible persistence to become a world class runner, and in the marathon of life, I'm out on the course with them! May this weekend bring all of us blessings and success, on our own terms.
