I spoke last time about how this year, I finally can no longer sing (or even bear to hear) most Christmas carols.
This is a seriously seismic shift for a woman with a master's in early Christian chant, and a passion for English church music/choral evensong. I mean, I've known since childhood that I wasn't really a Christian (I am sure I have told the story several times of nine-year-old me announcing to my mother that I was a good Episcopalian but not a Christian), but in the many decades since then, I've tried valiantly to compartmentalize, keeping the music and the words in different boxes. 2023 seems to have broken the walls to smithereens...I no sooner hear the opening few notes, and the carol's words unravel before me. I "hear" immediately that there are no references to the divine feminine, and I have to turn off the radio, currently my only exposure to the music. I thought I might be able to tolerate some of the more obscure English carols (Howells's "A Spotless Rose", "The Holly and the Ivy", "Masters in this Hall", "In the Bleak Midwinter", etc.) but by their second verses, there are inevitably lyrics about the newborn king, worshipping "him", etc. I just cannot do it anymore.
Christmas music was nearly all I had managed to retain of this holiday season (in my heart, anyway -- out in the world, the ghastly advertisements and background music are impossible to ignore) -- and now I am left with what perhaps is how it all started, the dark time of the year and its mysteries. Late the other night, I opened the front door to try to see northern lights, and was unsuccessful because of street lights, but three silent deer were making their way down the sidewalk. That made it truly a "holy day", whose carols are yet to be written.
